this entry was sent to me from my friend, nita, in alabama as well as my last entry. she is always sending me great stuff..... i miss her, even after 15-16 years...........
Bathing Suit Purchase
As we look forward to the summer season and time at the beach or pool, here is something to think about when shopping for that perfect bathing suit for our non-perfect figures.
In the 1950's, the bathing suit was designed for a woman with a mature figure: boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the pre-pubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.
The mature woman has a choice: she can either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made what I thought was a sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.
The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing suits was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks. The reason for this is that any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.
I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror.
My bosom had disappeared!
Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took awhile to find the other one. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib. The problem is that modern bathing suites have no bra cups. So the mature woman has to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment. The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately, it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of Play Dough wearing undersized cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the pre-pubescent salesgirl popped her head through the curtains and said, "Oh, there you are!" admiring the bathing suit. I replied that I wasn't so sure about it, and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream colored crinkled one that made me look like a ball ofmasking tape and a floral two piece which gave me the appearance of an oversized napkin in a napkin ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frill and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.
I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.
I tried on a bright pink one with such a high cut leg that I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear it.
Finally, I found a suit that fit: a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge friendly, so I bought it.
When I got home I read the label which said: "Material may become transparent in water." I'm determined to wear it anyway. I'll just have to learn to do the breast-stroke in the sand.
HAVE FUN PICKING OUT "YOUR" NEW BATHING SUIT!
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