ANOTHER LOSS

no one passed on this time........at least not in the sense of death.  but i just lost someone dear to me.  someone who has remained constant as an online friend......until today.  i have to admit..........it cut through me like a knife.

my tears are keeping me from writing as i wish.  my heart is broken.  this friend was there with me from the beginning of my internet experience.  she talked to me, online and on the phone, through numerous situations i found myself in.  we listened to each other when we needed someone to talk to, a friend to lean on.  of course, i admit, i leaned on her more than she did me.  she found love, true love, long before i did.  and now she has a lovely family and a great life.  i am still battling life in general, trying to find my way to that ultimate goal........true happiness. 

in an innocent email to my friend, i tell her of something i received via email from someone in my past.  she made a comment about not believing me when i told her how i felt about the situation.  being one of few people i have met online and then met in real life, i was cut to the bone with her statement.  she seemed so angry in her emails, directing that anger at me.  her last email said "i'm done".  i can only assume she doesn't wish to be my friend anymore.  i am devastated.  maybe i should be "done".  maybe i should leave this computer on the street and not write anymore.  maybe i should "get a life" outside of my room and this contraption i write on. 

i think i am going to just go back to writing in my private offline journal and not come here online anymore.  i can't take all the death and all the deceit, the losses, and the attacks.  damn, i sound just like someone else i  know.