i was going through the different journals and noticed the photo challenge for last week was "AGED". i went through many of the entries and most just blew me away. not only was the photography great, but the subject matter was pulled right out of the past. but after embarking on this endeavor, i became saddened. most of the photos depicted structures that are no longer with us....torn down to "beautify" an area, or to build a larger, more modern structure, or "just because it was old". then i went over and read one of my online friend's journals and one of her entries was about turning 58 soon, and not wanting to do so. it got me to thinking about my own life.
i am 54 and, though i am able to walk, talk, hear, see and use my hands, i am not in great health. i don't want to grow old. i want to go back to being young again. i don't want to be put out to pasture. i want to be productive and live a fulfilling life. i think back to how much time i have wasted...........how much time i spent on being depressed and sad, poor and unable to do things that needed doing, let alone things i wanted to do.
i have a bucket list of my own, and i know i will never be able to mark many of the items off that list. i want a good, healthy relationship with my daughter. i want to play with a grandchild. i want to see hawaii. i want to see ireland. i want to meet someone truly famous. i want to make a difference in someone's life. i want to get on a plane and fly somewhere.......anywhere.........since i have never been on a commercial jet.
i'm not ready for getting old. i have the mentality and the spirit of a much younger person. yet, all around me people are dying at age 65, 70. natural deaths, if a death can be natural. i said i would never read the obits when i got older, but what is the first thing i do when i get the local paper?? now i am in a panic.........and while in that panic, i will end up wasting more of my allotted time worrying.....panicking. now i know why so many of the elderly have said that having a glass of wine at night before bed helped their longevity. maybe so, but i think i am going to start that glass of wine so that i can forget i am getting old.............sigh.
2 comments:
What a thought it is for some folks...growing old....and they do everything to prevent or so they think....but I'm afraid there is very little we can do...oh yes we can dye our hair, have a boob job, face job, thigh job...the works...but no what next birthday we will still be a year older. nothing can stop the march of time....so I say enjoy life today don't worry about what might have been or what might be...one thing I am looking forward to when I am old !!!! is that I can do daft things like dance in the street, talk to myslef, forget where I am. answer folks back, fall asleep wherever and folks will just smile and say Oh dear it's just her age!! and I will get away with it..YIPPEE Love Sybil xx
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))))))))))))Wow,I feel the same way as you do,even thoe I am 35 and my health wise isnt very good either.I wpuld love to do so many things.I will bw praying for you.MY Mom is kinda thinking like you also.She cant get around like She used to.Her dream plce i Hawii.
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