A REAL STORY OF LIFE AND LOVE PART ONE

As I have been extremely busy planning a wedding, I haven't had much time for the world of AOL and all of its drama. I have much more important fish to fry. But it appears that the drama continues even in my absence. Instead of pointing fingers, placing blame and otherwise causing extreme chaos online, I am going to write a little story for my journal. If any of the characters appear familiar to anyone, then maybe they are. Being a literary person who loves to write gothic romance prose and poetry, I choose to do this in this manner rather than sit and name names and accuse. For those of you who are not involved in all this drama, sit back and enjoy a short story based on realism. For those who may feel this story is about them, study this closely and learn from any lessons there might be contained herein.

DUE TO THE LENGTH OF THIS STORY, I AM GOING TO DO TWO JOURNAL ENTRIES TO MAKE SURE IT IS COMPLETELY LEGIBLE

 

Once upon a time there was a woman we shall call Raven. She was lonely and had been for many years. She was a divorced mother of a teenager who was basically a good girl, but was becoming quite rebellious. Raven was unemployed and finding it difficult to find employment. She had purchased a computer for her daughter to use for school, so turned to that same device to find an occupation.

 

After many dismal days of searching, Raven turned to AOL chat rooms to find someone to talk to and share her problems with. It was on one of these searches in a Christian chat room that Raven encountered a gentleman we shall call Eros. Eros was a former man of the cloth who had some recent traumatic events and health concerns in his life. He, too, was lonely and in need of someone to whom he could relate his woes and share his days with online.

 

Raven and Eros became good friends. Raven found herself falling in love with this man, who, though rooted deeply in his spirituality, also had a very dark and mysterious side to his life. He had quite a charisma about him. Raven found herself falling deeper and deeper for him, and wanted more than he could offer at the time, So she kept her feelings to herself.

As time went by Raven and Eros became closer and began feeling a kinship that seemed to hold them together like a glue. They could not stand being apart online. Eros had moments of deep depression and sadness, and would often speak of “ending it”. Raven hurt badly when she heard this and finally, out of sheer desperation, told Eros of her feelings for him and emailed him her full name, address, and telephone number in hopes that he would try to contact her outside of their cyber world.

Eros finally crawled from the depths of his despair and professed his love for raven as well. Thus began a very long virtual relationship. Raven wanted more, so requested often that Eros allow her to have his address and phone number so that they might communicate more and become better acquainted. Eros gave Raven his address, and immediately raven wrote and mailed a letter to him filled with her confessions of love for him, and scented with her favorite perfume. But alas, the letter was returned two weeks later, marked “addressee unknown”. Eros could not explain this. But he in turn wrote a letter to Raven, included a poem he wrote, and mailed it to her. It bore no return address, but was postmarked in the city where Eros stated he lived. Raven treasured that letter so much, she framed the poem and kept it over her computer table so that she could think even more fondly of Eros as she communicated online with him.

Time passed and one evening as the two were talking online, Eros asked Raven to marry him. Though Raven felt it odd that he would prefer to do so online instead of over the phone lines or in person, she excitedly answered “yes” to his question. She was elated.

Shortly thereafter Eros began experiencing more and more health problems. As they tried to make plans for the future, Eros’s health worsened. Raven begged him to send for her and let her be with him by his side as he went through this ordeal. But Eros held firm and said “no” to her requests, stating it would be too trying for her. Raven also begged Eros to call her, let her hear his voice say “I love you Raven”, but he stated his fear of using the telephone prevented him from doing so.

Time moved forward, and Eros got worse. Then his health seemed to improve. At one point it was thought that he might even be cured of his illness. But then he would worsen again. He would often even disappear out of Raven’s life for periods of time, only to return months later professing how he had missed her and loved her.

Throughout the relationship between Eros and Raven, other women had attempted to gain Eros’s affections. There were rumorsof cyber affairs. There were threats made via email to Raven from these other women. One such woman even stated she was Eros’s wife, and wished raven would leave him alone. Eros often stated these women were crazy, and there was no truth to any of it.

Raven’s heart was heavy with many emotions. Here was a man she truly loved deep within her heart, but yet she could not hear his voice, feel his touch. She lived for words on a screen……..professions of love via emails and im’s. During this time Raven was informed that she was losing her home for nonpayment of the mortgage. With a sick feeling in her gut, she turned to Eros, who had professed to be very wealthy, asking for help to save her home; the only home she had to shelter herself and her daughter. It truly troubled her to have to turn to someone else for help, even the man she loved. He vowed he would help her, either by bringing the money to her in person or sending it by mail. She waited, in tears, for hours, days……….and nothing. No Eros, no help. She was then told on many occasions by Eros that she should just sell everything she had and pay her bills. This hurt her deeply, for most of her belongings had been her mother’s, and her mother had been deceased for many years.

Raven knew not what to do, but struggled on daily, trying to keep her head above water. But she lost her battle……and her home. She had to find another place to live and was able to secure a rental home nearby. But even that was difficult to hold onto due to her job situation. She got a roommate, but she wouldn’t pay her share of the rent, and once again, raven found herself homeless. Eros still could not find a way to help Raven. He told her all he could do was pray for her and her situation. Raven, who still loved this man through all the disappointments, accepted his prayers.

Raven found herself living in a run down motel, with drunks, druggies, prostitutes and johns frequently knocking at her door and ringing her phone all hours of the day and night. She was frightened and felt alone. She then was offered a basement apartment in another city and after moving there, found the rooms were filled with mold and mildew from rainwater damage, and she became seriously ill. She could not reach Eros other than on a computer, so lost contact with him for long periods of time. She would occasionally go to a library and email or im Eros to let him know she was alive….. Barely.

Eros and Raven’s “relationship” had existed for about five years. During October of the third year of this relationship, raven encountered a young man online whom we will call Mark. Mark intrigued Raven, so they struck up a platonic friendship online. Mark was easy to talk to, and would listen to raven’s ramblings for hours during the late night hours, occasionally offering suggestions, but always offering support. He was Raven’s emotional salvation. He was a true friend, someone who accepted her as she was, and was there for her when she needed a shoulder. And most importantly, he gave her a telephone number for her to reach him in times she wanted to talk one on one. That first Christmas he called her to wish her a merry Christmas, which made Raven feel special.

After Raven lost her home and had to move to the motel, the roommate failed to pay her share there too, and Raven was venting to Mark on the phone about her situation, and Mark wired Raven enough money to keep the room. He didn’t even hesitate, though he was not a rich man, or even a man of means. He had a meager job that paid well, but work was only available 1-2 weekends a month. The fact that he shared what he did have with her to help her out and never asked for repayment made Raven feel like she was loved and that someone truly cared about her.

Raven had begun feeling differently about her relationship with Mark. Which also made her take time to think about her relationship with Eros. Eros had been making her promises for almost five years, and none of them had come to fruition. Mark was always there for Raven, no matter what the emotion or situation. After lots of prayer, thought, tears and hours of sleeplessness, Raven realized she was in love with Mark. The one person she had “used” to vent on had been there for her throughout it all. He was the wind beneath her wings. But did he feel the same about her? As if his heart heard hers, Mark confessed to Raven that very evening on the phone that he loved her and had since first meeting her online almost two years ago.

(CONTINUED IN NEXT ENTRY)