MEMORIUM TO SPOOKY

i wanted to add a note to this entry........today, march 1, i received a sympathy card from my vet.....where i took spooky to take his eternal rest.  it was signed by everyone on the staff, and a personal note was added by one of the staff members, that i was in their prayers and thoughts through this difficult time.........i have never had anything mean so much to me since i was all alone in my journey to the vet with my beloved kitty.  they made me feel good inside about letting spooky go.......and now, they are letting me know they understand........what a wonderful bunch of people........thank you again, HENRY COUNTY VETERINARY SERVICE...........

 

            

Above is Michael holding Spooky before Spooky got sick.  Below is Spooky with his Christmas bow (with Peaches looking on........forgive my feet in the shot). 

 

SPOOKY

(A/K/A   SPOOKSTER, POOK, POOKY, TUTIE, TOOT TOOT, SWEET BABY BOY AND MANY OTHER NAMES)

BORN 1986

PASSED FEB. 16, 2006

MY BABY BECAME ILL RECENTLY, AND WAS SLOWLY SLIPPING AWAY.  I COULD NOT WATCH HIS SUFFERING ANYMORE.  HE LIVED A GOOD LIFE, EVEN THOUGH HIS EARLY YEARS WERE FULL OF DANGER.

ABOUT 14 YEARS AGO SPOOKY WAS AN OUTDOOR KITTY.  A REAL TOM KITTY, LADIES' MAN.........   

UNTIL A HUMANOID DECIDED TO SHOOT HIM WITH TWO REAL BULLETS.........ONE WENT THROUGH HIS STOMACH AND OUT THE OTHER SIDE, AND ONE SPLIT THE BONE IN HIS LEFT SHOULDER, CAUSING THE LEG TO DANGLE UNATTACHED EXCEPT FOR SKIN, FUR AND A LITTLE MUSCLE TISSUE.

MY DAUGHTER (THEN 5) AND I TOOK HIM TO THE VET TO SEE WHAT THEY COULD DO.  THEY COULD WORK WONDERS IF WE HAD CLOSE TO $1000.  WE DIDN'T.  SO WE LEFT HIM TO BE PUT TO SLEEP. 

LATER THAT EVENING THE VET CALLED AND TOLD ME THAT SPOOKY WAS TOO GOOD OF A KITTY TO PUT DOWN, AND THE RECEPTIONIST WOULD PAY TO HAVE A PLATE PUT IN HIS LEG AND WOULD KEEP HIM IF WE SAID OK. 

I FIGURED IF HE WAS ALIVE, WE WANTED HIM BACK.......SO I CALLED MY EX HUSBAND AND TOLD HIM TO GO AND PAY THE VET FOR THEM TO NEUTER, GIVE SHOTS, TEST FOR FELINE LEUKEMIA, AND PUT A CAST ON HIM..............HE DID.

FOUR CASTS LATER, THE BONE HEALED IN THE SHAPE OF A CROSS BONES, BUT YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW IT THE WAY SPOOKY GOT AROUND. 

SPOOKY SAVED MINE AND AMANDA'S LIFE ONCE BY DETECTING THE BEGINNING OF A SMALL FIRE IN A WALL LIGHT SWITCH.  THEN ONCE WHEN AMANDA FELL OFF HER BED AT AGE 3, KNOCKING THE BREATH OUT OF HER, HE CAME AND GOT ME UP OUT OF MY BED, AND TOOK ME TO HER................OUR LITTLE BLACK GUARDIAN ANGEL.............

SPOOKY WAS THERE FOR ME WHEN I WAS LONELY.  HIS FUR WAS SOAKED WITH MANY OF MY TEARS OVER THE YEARS.  HE BECAME MY CONSTANT COMPANION FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS OF HIS LIFE, AFTER AMANDA MOVED OUT.

SPOOKY, MY PRECIOUS ONE, YOU SERVED WELL, LITTLE SERVANT.  NOW, GO FIND PEACE AND ROMP AND PLAY WITH GIZMO AND ALL THE OTHER LITTLE CRITTERS WHO HAVE GONE BEFORE YOU, ON THE RAINBOW BRIDGE. ( http://rainbowsbridge.com )

YOUR MEMORY WILL BE WITH US ALWAYS.......  

WE LOVE YOU DEAR BOY.....................

(MY SPECIAL THANKS TO THE VET AND ASSISTANT THAT MADE HAVING MY BABY PUT TO SLEEP EASIER.  THEY TREATED SPOOKY AS IF HE WERE HUMAN, AND ME AS IF I WERE HIS MOTHER........THANK YOU AGAIN HENRY COUNTY VETERINARY HOSPITAL)

HIATUS

TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE (THE TWO OR THREE) THAT READ MY JOURNAL, I WANT TO THANK YOU.  I WILL NOT BE WRITING IN IT FOR AWHILE..........POSSIBLY NOT AGAIN.  MY LIFE HAS TAKEN MANY CURVES, TURNS AND DEAD ENDS...........  AND I HAVE HIT ANOTHER. 

I MAY COME BACK TO MY PUBLIC JOURNAL, BUT FEEL FOR NOW I MUST GO TO MY PRIVATE JOURNAL AND WRITE.  IT IS THE ONLY PLACE I FEEL SAFE RIGHT NOW.............

THANK YOU ALL AND MAY YOU FIND PEACE IN YOUR LIVES.

SURVIVING THE PAIN

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,  and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.    

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.  

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman,  not the grief of a child.    

And you learn to build all your roads on today.............. because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.  

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul  instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.  

And you learn that you really can endure.

You really are strong.

You really do have worth, and you learn.  

And you learn with every goodbye, you learn...............  

by Veronica Shoffstall

BLAST FROM YOUR PAST

ok, now that i have sat here and thought about it, i figured this would be a good idea.  for all of you that read my journal, try this one...............

have you been to a high school reunion and there was at least one person there that had changed so much, you were either pleasantly or humorously shocked???  if so, write about it in the comment section of this entry. 

i have been to several of my high school reunions and have had both happen to me.........and if there is ever another reunion, i plan on being one of the ones to pleasantly shock everyone.  enjoy this little experiment..............

A SHORT STORY

i felt the need to write something, and being in a sombre mood, this is my end result.  i know it is a bit depressing, but my soul has to write, even when it is such as this.  maybe i will feel the need to write something lighter at another time...........

 

THE CALL

 

He received the call in the middle of the night.  It was from her daughter, Chelsea, and the message was something no one wants to hear:  “she is going fast, and the doctor’s say she will probably be gone before dawn.”

 

He felt the stabbing pain in his heart.  This just couldn’t be true.  She was so full of life the last time he saw her.  Then he walked out of her life, leaving her alone.  Now this.  Why oh why had he done such a horrible thing?  Why had he left her to fend for herself alone in the world?

 

He told Chelsea he would be there as soon as he could, to tell her mother he was coming, and to hold on, not let go of life, for he still loved her.  Chelsea just hung up.  She doubted he would be there in time.

 

Chelsea went back into the hospital room, and sat beside the bed.  She reached up and took the limp hand that lay there beside the near lifeless body of her mother.  She began to cry, something she had not done in some time.  She had some skeletons in her closet as well.  She should have kept more in touch with her mother. Chelsea figured mothers lived forever, so she would have time to be “friends” with her mother after sowing her wild seeds.  Now here she was, just 21, finally legal to bar hop and party, and she sat here watching her mother die at age 54. 

 

The tears flowed from Chelsea’s eyes as she sat for over an hour watching her mother’s shallow breath.  Would her mother ever awaken from this sleep?  She wished she could change things, and make her mother well again. 

 

Chelsea’s mother held on through the day.  She would often open her eyes and see Chelsea sitting there and smile briefly at her.  Then she would slip once again into deep sleep.

 

Around midnight the nurse came into the room and asked Chelsea to step outside.  As soon as she was outside the door, she saw him.  Trevor had actually made it from Wyoming, and was standing there, tears welling in his eyes, as he grabbed Chelsea and hugged her tightly.  He told her he was so sorry he wasn’t there for both of them when this all started.  Then he asked if he would be allowed to see her.  She told him he could; in fact, he should.

 

Trevor walked slowly into the darkened room, and saw her lying there, seemingly lifeless.  He went to the bedside, and leaned down and kissed her cheek.  He took her hand, held it tightly, and told her in a low whisper that he loved her.  Her eyes opened once again, and she looked into Trevor’s eyes.  She seemed to believe she was dreaming, for she blinked several times before smiling.  Trevor whispered once again his love for her, and she smiled again, and quietly called his name, and told him she had never stopped loving him.  He sat by her bed, still holding her hand, which felt cold.Her mind, though foggy, knew she was not dreaming, knew that he had finally come back for her.  But it was now too late.  She would be going “home”, but not with Trevor. 

 

Over the next hour or so, they spoke in whispers, trying to make up for the time they had been apart.  It had been over 2 years since they had spoken.  Trevor could not stop the tears, in his eyes, and in his heart.

 

Then, without warning, she looked around the room, and whispered for Chelsea to come over to the bedside as well.  Both Trevor and Chelsea took a hand, held it tightly, and listened to what she had to say.  It wasn’t what either of them wanted to hear.  She told them she knew her time was near, and that she wanted them both to leave.  She was ready to meet her beloved Savior, and wanted to do so alone.  Neither wanted to leave the room, but did so at her request.  Before they left, she made them promise to keep in touch with each other, and to always lift each other up in times of need.  Then they left the room.

 

Moments later, the angel of death visited, and took her home to heaven. 

 

NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY WITH SOMEONE……..NEVER LET AN OPPORTUNITY GO BY WITHOUT TELLING SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM.  NEVER MISS A CHANCE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN SOMEONE’S LIFE.  LIFE IS TO BE LIVED, AND TO THE FULLEST…….IF YOU FIND SOMEONE TO LIVE IT WITH, LOVE THEM, AND LIVE………

NO SLEEP

well, here it is saturday morning, not even noon yet, and here i am at the locust grove library................i got about 2 hours sleep last night.  i can't seem to sleep anymore.  i watched the opening ceremonies for the 2006 olympics and really enjoyed the finale.  but then i couldn't get to sleep.  i have been taking nyquil at night to open up my head and sinuses, and was out of it last night, so took some theraflu instead, and it didn't do much to make me sleep.

i don't sleep well alone.............sigh..............i hate this current situation.........hate it hate it hate it...............

i miss michael when he isn't there.............more than he even knows.............

guess i need to get me a nice bottle of merlot........no, i don't like merlot....um, maybe some cabernet..........no, wait.........i've got it........BOONE'S FARM STRAWBERRY maybe................boy does that bring back my youth!!!!!!!!!!!  i dated a guy back when i was 18 that was 16 and he couldn't buy booze, so, since i could (it was legal back then for 18 year olds to buy booze) i would go in and get a couple of bottles of boone's farm apple or strawberry wine and we would go out to the old atlanta airport (before they fancied it up and renamed it several times) and sit out by the runway and watch the planes take off and land and drink boone's.  that was a hot date for us............hey, i just thought of something.............i have always liked younger men, lol.  i wonder whatever happened to chris...........he was going to new york city last time i talked to him.........and that was almost 25 years ago............

oops, i was going down memory lane there for a minute........i wonder where all the men i dated are now, as well as all the friends i made throughout my life and lost touch with.  i do know where one of my friends is............HEAVEN.  she lost her battle with cancer about 10 or so years ago.  actually she didn't die from the cancer.  she had battled it for some time and then had a bone marrow transplant and was cured.  then, a month after speaking about her survival at a major texas women's convention, she died from complications of the bone marrow transplant.  it was really sad losing her..............but her husband has continued her mission.

well, i guess i better get back to writing my novel and not sitting here reliving the past.

JOB INTERVIEW

well, even though i need to get the heck out of dodge (actually georgia) i went for a job interview today.  it is data entry for a building supply company.  i don't know much about it other than it pays more than my current retail position and it has many more hours, a great combination if you ask me. 

of course it is located in a high traffic area near the only hospital in the area (same one that did NOTHING for me when i was rushed there in an ambulance).  but if the pay and hours are good, i will happily fight the traffic.  after all, i worked 13 years in the city of atlanta and it was 40 miles one way, mostly traffic.  i learned backroads, but still, other people knew those backroads as well. 

i figure if i can get a better job with better pay coming in, we could stay here for a year and then move anywhere we want to.................

keep your fingers crossed.  if you pray, say a prayer that the job is mine............well, i guess if it is God's will, that is...........

MY WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY PRESENTS

i was waiting to get my film developed so that i could add a picture of what i am about to tell you about. but i haven't done that yet, so i will go ahead and write about my presents, and will add pictures later after i get them developed.

my birthday was back on january 15.  yes, i celebrate with the famous martin luther king jr.  usually michael sends me flowers, beautiful long stem roses.  but this year he tricked me.  he sent to my workplace, on friday before my sunday birthday, a box from 1-800-flowers.  it was too small to be a dozen long stemmed roses, so i was a bit confused.  everyone at work was all excited and impatient to see what michael had sent me. 

i opened the box in their presence and to my surprise there were no flowers inside.  instead, there was a beautiful white-washed heart-shaped wicker basket filled with spa treatment items.  included: bath salts, bath gel, body lotion, a loofah mitt, a note pad, a journal, a scented candle, all in lavender and purple.  there was also a beautiful red perfume bottle with a lead crystal top to fill with whatever scent you wished.  the red was perfect, since my birthstone is the garnet.

the sweetest note was attached from michael.  he may not think he is, but he is a very romantic man.

a few days later he gave me a really cute card and a texas hold-em poker set.......yep he is trying to teach me texas hold-em poker so that i can enter one of the vegas tournaments and win big time.  he knows that i have never lost a hand of poker in my life, so he is putting his bets on me, lol.  (the note he wrote in the card started with:  "now you are playing with a full deck" because i am now 52, the number of cards in a standard deck, lol).

michael, though i haven't made that nice THANK YOU card for you yet, and maybe i didn't seem to be as excited about the gifts as you thought i should be, but i adore everything you give me because you pick each thing out and they are always from your heart. 

MICHAEL  S. PATRICIA, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well i am not happy with the photo, it has ghosties in it.........but these are the gifts that were in the flowers box..............the pic of the basket "open" didn't take obviously.........sigh..........

I TOOK ANOTHER PHOTO OF THE PRESENT MICHAEL SENT.......OPEN THIS TIME, AND THE FILM ISN'T OVEREXPOSED, LOL.

i have come to a place in my life where i need some change.  i need to relocate.  georgia has done little for me the last 52 years. 

michael is from new york originally, but i cannot see living there..........he was transplanted to california for many years and that sounds appealing, until that part of california drops off into the ocean (yep, always had that fear, lol).  then there is vegas, where michael's family lives...........but could i live in the midst of so much temptation???  i have a very addictive personality, and would be so afraid of spending too much time in the casinos if i lived there.  maybe reno??? 

i have never lived out of the state of georgia.  this state has become my lifeblood.  but the blood bank seems to be running dry and i need a change.  i love the seasonal changes and don't know what i would do without them.  i would like an environment with less humidity and less mold and mildew. 

i just need to do something different, be somewhere different...........

any suggestions out there???  what state is the best for low humidity and isn't too hot, too cold, or taxes and the cost of living aren't too high???

i know i can't do the windy city, chicago, because of the wind.  wind upsets my entire upper respiratory system.  i would love to be near the beach, but not close enough to have hurricanes take away my home.  not too excited about tornado alley either.........heck, what does that leave?  not much, lol.

a nice 2 bedroom cottage somewhere back in the woods about an hour or 2 from the beach somewhere would be so great..............if the temps were mild, i could even tolerate using an outhouse, lol. 

anyone out there got a nice little place for rent????  i am open for all kinds of suggestions..................

COURT

well, i went to court on wednesday, february 1, for the traffic ticket i got back in december.  it is the first ticket i have ever gotten, and i have been driving for 38 years.  the officer claimed i didn't stop for a stop sign, but he didn't pull me over until a mile down the road.  and then, he ran my tag i guess, and found it was unregistered.  so he pulled me over and eventually gave me a ticket for operating an unregistered vehicle and a warning ticket for the stop sign.

let me explain why it was unregistered:

i had the car repo'd awhile back.  then there were things wrong with it i didn't have the money to have fixed.  i let the insurance lapse which caused the car to be de registered.  i was planning on getting it re registered, get new insurance and have my license renewed all in the second week of january.  well, unfortunately, that one officer was determined i wasn't going to drive my car till then.

i went to court on january 17 and got a continuance.  when i went back on wednesday, i pleaded no lo contendre and the judge (who is really a great guy) reduced my fine from $140.00 to $25.  i paid the fine, signed the papers, and went on my way.

but a word to the wise here..............don't drive through henry county georgia unless you dot your "i's" and cross your "t's" because they will get you.  i could have gone to jail and/or had my license pulled and car towed.  but he let me go and thank the good Lord, my fine was reduced and by pleading no lo, it doesn't go on my record. 

there was a 19 year old girl ahead of me who was caught driving 101 mph in a 70 mph zone.  her fine was over $800.  the judge reduced it to $500, but suspended her license for one year and put her on one year's probation.  she almost fainted.  she started crying.  he calmly stated to her (as a father to a daughter) that anyone driving 101 mph in the state of georgia needed to be taught a lesson.  and this was hers.

a man came in late and the bailiff told him to find a seat and sit down.  he wouldn't.  the bailiff told him 5-6 times.  finally the bailiff went up to him and got into his face and told him sit.  he sat next to me.  he fidgeted and fidgeted the whole time he waited.  i could smell pure alcohol on his breath.  he was loaded...............now i know why he didn't want to sit.  i am surprised the bailiff didn't smell it on his breath.

court is not a nice place to be.........and i don't want to go there ever again.  so i am minding my "p's" and "Q's" and watching out for those nice henry county officers.

 

THE PAINS OF DARKNESS

AMBER LIGHT, FADING, DYING
DARKNESS, ENCOMPASSING, CONSUMING
VOICES, UNTRUTHFUL, LYING
FEAR, UNCERTAINTY LOOMING.

SLEEPLESS NIGHT, TOO WELL KNOWN
NIGHTMARISH HORRORS ON NIGHTS OF FITFULL SLEEP
PEACEFUL DREAMS FAR AWAY HAVE FLOWN
ONLY DESPAIR FOLLOWS, FOREVER DEEP.

PACING, FRIGHTENED, CRAVING DAWN
WISHING AWAY THE AWFUL VOICES.
KNOWING NOT WHERE HOPE HAS GONE
AND HAVING NO MORE CHOICES.

BLACK GIVES WAY TO GRAY
THE VOICES DRIFT AFAR
THE SUN GIVES PROMISE OF A NEW DAY
AND ERASES EACH AND EVERY SCAR.

BUT SOON THE LIGHT BEGINS TO FADE
GIVING WAY TO DARKNESS ONCE MORE.
AGAIN SHE MUST LIE UPON THE BED SHE MADE
AND CRY HER PAIN AS BEFORE.

(BY REGINA, 2006)

(FOR THOSE INTERESTED, THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME, BUT ABOUT AND FOR A DEAR FRIEND...........MAY SHE FIND PEACE)