Wednesday, October 1, 2008

OLD ENTRIES/OLD FRIENDS/MEMORIES

i was trying to catch up on journal reading before the last curtain call and came across a journal that sorta stirred up something in me.  i won't mention the journal name, mostly because this person is a dear j-land friend and is very much entitled to her opinion........as am i.  the gist of the entry was that we have all survived much more devastation and turmoils than losing our journals and should not worry about it.  i agree mostly with that statement...........but...........yes, there is a but.............

i went back to my first entry which was on june 27, 2004 and started copying and pasting onto word documents in spans of one month at a time so as not to lose anything in my journal.  it wasn't very long before i started crying and got a very heavy heart.  there are comments in that very first month from people who are no longer in this world........they have passed on to a greater reward.  without j-land and my journal, i would have never met some of these people.  my life would have been much different without their comments, love, prayers, support, compassion, and advice.  i will never have another comment from those people.  if i lose my journal's contents, i will lose their words.  i will have the memories of knowing these people, but after time fades those memories, there will be little left. 

also, i started journaling at a time in my life when i needed a friend and there wasn't one in my real life to help me cope with day to day trials and tribulations.  i lost 2 homes to foreclosure and was evicted from a rental house due to circumstances beyond my control.  i became estranged with my then 17 year old daughter, and proceeded to watch her from afar live a life i would never wish for her.  i found love, then lost it, several times.  my journal captured my emotions, my soul.  i wrote poetry i have since forgotten about, all to cope with life as it was back then for me.  now that i am on higher ground emotionally and financially, i have more or less blocked out much of that past.  reading my past journal entries has brought those memories back, and even though they are not the best of memories, the events strengthened me and made me a better person.  and by reading my past entries, i find peace in my life now. 

so, even though this journaler is correct in saying more or less to not sweat the small stuff........to me, my journal isn't small stuff.  it is a record of my life.......one i have tried to forget because of the bad memories, but one that has brought me full circle to where i am today.

i will move on and continue journaling.  and someday will look back at my current entries and either smile or cry........but it will be a slice of my life..........MY LIFE..........a life that only i have lived.

and yes, i have every right to be angry with the powers that be at aol.  they didn't provide "the service" for free, or out of the goodness of their hearts.  they did it at a cost to their customers, both financially and by having so many internal problems that we all became exasperated at one point or another.  yes, i will continue on with aol.  it is like an old pair of shoes that, when new and first worn, hurt the feet and make life miserable until they are broken in.  i have become familiar with aol.  i am at a loss at where i will go from here, but i will go................and i will succeed at making a new journal at a new site.  i just hate that i will lose so many friends who will not journey down the same road as i.

5 comments:

sybilsybil45 said...

My dearest Wumz,  I so agree with all you have written. It is so so hard. I havn't been writing nearly as long as you and I havn't had the hardships that you have had but all the same there are times when we get a bit "alone" even when we are..as I am...surrounded by great family and friends there are some things that you can write in your journal that you could not share with a friend face to face as you know that they might be hurting too...I know how just a few months ago I was surrounded by so many on line friends praying for me and caring for me when my beloved Jacqueline died that I am perfectly sure that it was there love that enabled me to return to a more positve feeling...  Perhaps after I have been away on holiday and come back (27thoct) I will feel stonger and might be able to cope with trying to learn something new.  Till then rest assured I will keep in touch dear friend...one way or another.   Love  Sybil xx

http://journals.aol.co.uk/sybilsybil45/villagelife/

plieck30 said...

If I understand correctly it will all be transferred over to the blogger place and I hope for your sake and others it will. Its been a pleasure to know you here. Paula

jeanno43 said...

I feel the same about my journal.  I have not yet started copying and pasting.  I might even move some of it onto my new journal at Blogger.  O.K. so people have read the entries before but that way at least they are there.  I have not yet started the copying because my heart is not in it right now, I know I would cry for the same reasons as yourself.  My journal was something for my Grandsons as well.  Shame on aol.

Jeannette said...

So glad you commented on mine and that I found you again. I seem to have lost several people here in blogger that have started a blog, then deleted it and started a new one. Great to be back in touch my friend.

Barb said...

Sweet Regina,
I am so glad you asked me to come visit your blog. Facebook is okay but like you, I miss what J-Land offered, a different sort of connection. So many of our friends are on Facebook and though we keep in touch there, it is not,at least to me, the same. Everybody is so busy that they we don't really get the one-on-one that brought us so close in the first place.
I have been criticized for things I have shared in my journals but shared them any way. Opening up in that personal way enabled others to do the same. Many have told me that had I not the courage to share, to be so honest, they wouldn't have been and they desperately needed a friend, somebody they could really let their hair down with. I have come to realize how important priorities are, realized mine were way off. Last night I deleted some of the games I have been playing;actually shut down my farm in England as well. I feel good about it. I have been missing personal journaling and the time I used to spend with the Lord. This morning I woke up much happier, in spite of my Johnny's health and all that is going on in our lives.
Going to take a few minutes to read the rest of your journal entry, then get some badly needed rest. Thank you for being YOU. My life is richer because you are in it. Looking forward to blogging agin, the old, comfortable as an old shoe way.:)