Once upon a time there was this lady, who thought having a nice oven roasted chicken with homemade mashed potatoes and fresh English peas would make for a tasty and simple thanksgiving dinner. a nice treat for two without all the hassle.
she began her meal by putting the chicken in the oven (which, by the way, is a gas appliance, this being important in this story) with lots of nice seasonings, and covering it with foil.
after about an hour, she decided it was time to check on the chicken and start the rest of the meal. she pulled the bird out of the oven, removed the foil, and voila, a beautifully roasted chicken.
but since she liked her chicken more golden brown, she decided to put it back into the oven for a few more minutes, uncovered.
as she started the descent from the stovetop to the oven rack, the bird chose to slide sideways, causing her to lose control of the pan, and suddenly all the succulent juices sloshed out onto the oven floor.........................
of course, one's first impulse is to grab the bird.........which she did......but just as she leaned into the oven to do so, there was a loud whoosh and a huge fireball erupted from the oven......
the smell of singed hair is not pleasant............
after insuring the fire was out, and there was no immediate danger, the woman went to the bathroom to check the status of her face and hair...........the skin was fine, but there wasn't a single bit of facial fuzz on her face.........the hair on her forehead at the hairline, and the temples was gone and/or singed. she also got a singed trim on the length of the sides. her eyelashes were fused and there was a distinct singed odor coming from her nasal hairs. but upon closer scrutiny in the mirror, the lady noticed her eyebrows were perfectly shaped....... something she had been unable to do on her own...........miracles never cease!!!!!!!!!!!!
she stuck her now rancid singed head into the shower and tried to wash away the stench. it didn't work...............
so she returned to the kitchen to assess the damage.............and was greeted by a house full of smoke, at which she opened every door and window and turned on every fan in the house. the smoke started swirling about her like misty fog from a horror movie. the air was full of the smell of horribly burned chicken grease........... she noticed she had not turned off the oven, but that the flame was out. she tried to turn on the stovetop burners, but they refused to light. she grabbed the grill lighter and attempted to light the pilot light............nothing............
suddenly, panic struck.............there had to be gas leaking from the unlit pilots, and she had to do something quickly..............so she grabbed a flashlight and began her search for the main pilot. nothing...............she tried to regroup her thoughts, but she couldn't, and panicked again, calling the only person she knew of that could stabilize her right now......... who just happened to not be with her at that moment.........fortunately, he answered his cell phone............
he told her to first, calm down, then make sure the oven and stove were turned off, check for the smell of gas, and then call the gas company.................
well, no one answers a phone at any company on thanksgiving day...........not even the gas leak emergency hotline.............they are too busy stuffing their face with a stuffed turkey. but she finally reached them and they told her she would have to call a licensed plumber.........
ok, this poor lady is already beside herself with panic, is singed and hairless, and is about to run out the door screaming..............and they tell her to call a plumber..........well, she lost it, becoming hysterical, laughing so hard she couldn't see for the tears...............
after composing herself, she calls her beloved back and tells him the story...........he laughs too, but is more concerned that his lady may still be in danger...........so he starts offering suggestions on what to do about the pilot light.............
after much discussion and no real solution, the lady decides to try turning on the stove again,and voila...........it lights............it was only wet with the chicken grease and juices and wouldn't light.............and, it has an electronic ignition, meaning it was safe all along..............
i can only surmise that this poor lady would offer only one bit of advice after experiencing this unforgettable thanksgiving..................
HAVE YOUR HUSBAND TAKE YOU OUT FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER! ! ! ! !
