CHRISTMAS DREAMS

IT WAS CHRISTMAS EVE.  THE HOUSE WAS QUIET, MUCH LIKE THE CHRISTMAS STORY OF OLD.  NO CLOCK WAS TICKING.  NO SOUNDS OF FOOTSTEPS ANYWHERE IN THE HOUSE.  JUST SILENCE.......DEAFENING SILENCE.  THE CATS WERE EVEN ASLEEP, DREAMING OF MICE OR WHATEVER CATS DREAM OF.   

 

SHE HAD SAT ALONE, WAITING, FOR SEVERAL DAYS.  NO PHONE CALL.  NO VISIT.  SHE HATED THE HOLIDAYS ANYWAY, BUT WHEN NO ONE WAS THERE TO SHARE THEM WITH HER, THE FEELING OF DREAD AND DESPAIR DEEPENED.  

 

WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE CALL OR VISIT?  SHE REACHED OVER AND CHECKED THE PHONE FOR A DIAL TONE.  YEP.  IT WORKED.  SHE TURNED ON THE TV, HOPING TO FIND SOMETHING THERE THAT WOULD TAKE HER MIND OFF HER LONELINESS.  CHRISTMAS SPECIALS........  FAMILY GATHERINGS......  MOVIES ABOUT FAMILIES.....  DYSFUNCTIONAL, BUT STILL FAMILIES TOGETHER FOR CHRISTMAS.  SHE CRAVED A FAMILY.  SHE HAD A DAUGHTER WHO HAD MOVED OUT YEARS AGO, BUT THIS DAUGHTER WAS INVOLVED WITH HER OWN FRIENDS AND HAD CREATED A LIFE OUTSIDE OF HER MOTHER'S REALM.   

 

SHE FELT OLD........MUCH OLDER THAN HER TRUE AGE OF 65.  SHE KNEW SOMEDAY SHE WOULD BE ALONE, AND THERE WOULD BE HOURS AND DAYS AND WEEKS OF BEING BY HERSELF.  BUT SHE NEVER DREAMED IT COULD POSSIBLY BE THIS BAD.  NO NEIGHBORS VISITED.  THEY WERE ALL TOO BUSY WITH THEIR OWN FAMILIES.  NO ONE WANTED TO TAKE TIME OUT TO VISIT AND SPEND TIME WITH AN OLD LADY WHO MOSTLY KEPT TO HERSELF IN HER SMALL HOUSE OUT ON THE EDGE OF TOWN.  

 

SO SHE SCOOPED UP A CAT, CONVINCED IT TO SIT IN HER LAP FOR AWHILE, AND FOUND A SMALL BIT OF HAPPINESS IN THE PURRING CONTENTMENT THE CAT DISPLAYED.  THIS WAS HOW CHRISTMAS WOULD BE SPENT, SHE WAS SURE.   

 

ONCE OR TWICE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT TURNING ON THE RADIO AND PLAYING SOME CHRISTMAS MUSIC....... BUT THEN DECIDED NOT TO.  MAYBE SHE WANTED TO BE SAD........MAYBE SHE WANTED TO BE DEPRESSED AND ALONE.........MAYBE SHE REVELED IN SUCH FEELINGS.  AFTER ALL, SHE HAD EXPERIENCED THEM MOST OF HER LIFE.  WHY SHOULD THINGS CHANGE NOW?  

 

AFTER A FEW HOURS OF SITTING IN THE DARKNESS OF THE ROOM, STARING INTO SPACE, SHE GENTLY PUT THE KITTY DOWN AND GOT UP FROM HER CHAIR.  MAYBE SOMETHING TO EAT WOULD MAKE HER FEEL BETTER....... FOOD WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING SHE LOOKED FORWARD TO.   

 

SHE WENT TO THE FREEZER AND PULLED OUT A CONTAINER OF HOMEMADE VEGETABLE BEEF SOUP SHE HAD MADE A FEW MONTHS AGO.  SHE KNEW IT WOULD BE BOTH NOURISHING AND ENJOYABLE.  SHE SLOWLY HEATED IT AND TOOK IT TO THE LIVINGROOM TO SIT AND ENJOY WHILE WATCHING ONE OF THOSE DREADED CHRISTMAS SHOWS.  SOMEHOW THE SOUP MADE THE SHOW MORE APPEALING.   

 

WHEN THE NEWS CAME ON, SHE DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO TRY TO FIND SLEEP........ONE OF THE ONLY TRIED AND TRUE REMEDIES FOR HER DEPRESSION.  WITH HER CATS SNUGGLING CLOSELY FOR WARMTH, SHE CLOSED HER EYES AND TRIED TO FIND THE BLESSED NUMBNESS OF SLEEP.  SOON, IT CAME.  BUT HER SLEEP WAS FILLED WITH DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES.  DEATH, HARM, SICKNESS, DARKNESS.  SHE AWOKE, STARTLED AND FEELING SOMETHING WAS WRONG.  SHE COULDN'T SHAKE THE FEELING, SO GOT OUT OF HER WARM BED TO SIT IN THE COLD ROOM TO AWAKEN HERSELF COMPLETELY FROM THE HORRIBLE DREAMS AND RID HERSELF OF THE DARK FEELINGS.  

 

THOUGH A CHRISTIAN, SHE HADN'T PRAYED IN SOME TIME.  SHE FIGURED TONIGHT WAS A REALLY GOOD TIME TO START BACK.  SHE SAT THERE IN THE COLD, MUMBLING PRAYERS AND HOPING GOD WASN'T ON VACATION.............  

 

(THIS IS A MULTIPLE PART ENTRY.  MORE OF THIS STORY LATER, AS I WRITE IT.)