MY HEALTH

on January 17 i was rushed to the hospital on oxygen, unable to breathe.  i have always panicked when i cannot catch my breath, and this was one of those occasions.  i was going to drive myself to the hospital emergency room, but felt too weak and disoriented to do so.  so, the paramedics got to give me a ride............ for $501!!

of course, once at the hospital, i had to wait forever to be seen, even though brought in in an ambulance.  i sorta passed out once, got quite dizzy and was having much difficulty in breathing the whole time...........

the paramedics had given me oxygen before and during the trip to the hospital.  once at the hospital, i was never given oxygen again.  once i did get into an examination room, a young (and nice looking) doctor came in and immediately began speaking to me as if i were a child or something.  he was very condescending, uncooperative, and more or less made it sound like i was psychotic, not sick.  i explained to him that i couldn't breathe, was having severe palpitations, where my heart would speed up and then almost stop, then race again, etc.  they DID run an ekg, and found i was having a slight irregular heartbeat, but according to him, nothing to be concerned with.  i was born with a heart murmur, so just figured since i was nearing my second childhood, i was once again going through this. 

i do agree with the fact that i was probably making my condition worse by panicking, but had no control over that matter.  i completely relaxed when the paramedics gave me the oxygen.  i just wanted to BREATHE!!!

well, the doctor told me there was nothing he could do for me..........that i had such a lengthy history of conditions and wasn't taking meds for them, he could not do anything for me at this point.  i knew i had a severe sinus infection, and he never even checked my sinuses.  i asked for a shot to decrease the congestion in my head and a shot of an antibiotic to help start me on the process of recovery.  he claimed there was no such shot for the congestion (lie.....i know there are numerous shots for different types of congestion, or maybe even some breathing treatments) and that since i was allergic to penicillin, there was nothing he could give me in a shot (also a lie, since i know that other antibiotics come in shot form).  he put on my "diagnosis form"  that i had sinusitis, fever, panic attack and non conforming to med schedule.................I DON'T HAVE INSURANCE NOR MONEY TO PAY FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no wonder so many people in this world either just die before their time or go postal on the world...........there isn't enough help out there for those of us that work our butts off for minimum wage and get no health care.  my hours have been cut at work to about 18 a week..........now how can someone live on that?????  i put in applications everywhere for better jobs, but never get any nibbles back.  i applied for the "Catalyst" free meds program, and that worked fine until it was time to reapply and have the card reinstated.......... you have to call in a month before the card expires and renew.........i was homeless at the time and had no phone or funds.............so now no meds.

i am not claiming to be a victim here........... i just want to know how the average person can possibly know where to turn to find help with their lives???????  i am a fairly intelligent woman, and I DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE WHERE TO TURN. 

so how does the man or woman who may have a slight mental disability, or who has no education and doesn't know where to start and what to do get help???  one of my first steps was going to my local county Dept of family and children services.  they give you a long list of agencies that help...........but you never can get through to them.  if i am at a pay phone what good does the number do me if i cannot get a call back asap?  when people need help, they need it immediately, not 6 months down the road...............

i just wish there was a simple and easy answer to the problem of  health care in this country.  we have made some great accomplishments in recent years, but the problem of getting the information out to the public that needs it is still major.

i will probably continue to have these panic attacks and health scares until either i find a job that pays well and/or provides health insurance, or until i die.  i pray it is the job instead of death.

 

THE ANT

I WOULD LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS ENTRY TO MY BELOVED MICHAEL..............IN THE PAST, WHEN I WAS DEPRESSED OVER THE MANY BAD THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO ME, HE WOULD CALL ME AND SING THIS SONG TO ME.........

NOW, MICHAEL IS A BIT DOWN IN THE DUMPS, SO IT IS MY TURN TO TRY TO CHEER HIM UP AND NUDGE HIM IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION..........

THE ANT

Next time you're found with your chin on the ground 

There's a lot to be learned so look around

Just what makes that little ol' ant

Think he'll move that rubber tree plant

Anyone knows an ant can't

Move a rubber tree plant

 

But he's got high hopes... he's got high hopes

He's got high apple pie in the sky hopes

So any time you're getting low

'Stead of letting go,

Just remember that ant.

Oops there goes another rubber tree plant.
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant.
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant.

EATING THE BARCODE

working retail isn't my cup of tea.  i like working in an office, typing away all day.  but since my fate for now is to suck it up and work retail, i try to deal.  but when you have "those customers", you wish to scream and run out the door.  if you work retail, you understand..........

one day earlier in the week i was working the cash register at work.  my general manager was there, but wasn't there...........meaning, he was on vacation, but was physically in the store, working...........

i had two customers approach my counter, both had at least one child, but i didn't know which child belonged to whom.  i didn't even know if they were together or not.

a little girl about 4 reached up and started pulling on something on the work counter next to my register.  since i had not started ringing anyone up yet, i leaned over and nicely said to her to please don't pull on that, it might slide off and hurt you.  i then turned to my current customer, who had a little girl about 2.5 years old and i think a couple of other children........older, but not by much.  the woman purchased several foam mats that are in shapes of things...........trucks, monkeys, crowns, etc.  two of the mats had bar codes, so there was no problem.  i rang up her other items, and noticed the littlest one pulling something off a purple mat she had in her hand and put that item into her mouth.  i remember thinking "ewwww, gum or candy".  she went on to chew up whatever she had in her mouth and then the mother asked her to hand her the "crown" she had in her hand so she could pay for it. 

when she handed it to me to ring up, there was no bar code, and then i knew what the little one had pulled off and put into her mouth.  well, each different style of mat has a different bar code, so i needed to have that to ring up the item.  where i made my mistake was, i said to the mother "oh, this doesn't have a bar code, she pulled it off."  the mother said, "oh, ok, well i will go and get another one."  and she did.  we usually call an associate to come get the bar code, but since she volunteered, i agreed to let her.  it is usually faster, lol.

as she approached the counter, she threw the crown down and said "don't ever accuse my daughter of something she didn't do.........none of them have bar codes!"  i noticed that it didn't have one, but was still in the same pickle........i needed a barcode.  i didn't respond to the woman's outburst, i just paged an associate, and when one arrived, i asked her to get a barcode for it. 

while waiting on the associate, the two women in line, who WERE NOT together, were griping about service and everything else.  the mother of the tot who ate the bar code was really raising sand.  she was saying that her daughter did nothing wrong, and i falsely accused her and she would never shop there again.........that at least she didn't do like a lot of mothers do and let their kids run the store and tear up everything.  the other mother was agreeing with her.  my fes (supervisor) walked up to tell me some customer was getting fresh with her, touching her, and being a bit too personal, and i was talking to her and trying not to say anything to the beast at my counter. 

meanwhile, the gm opened up a register, and the other woman went to him to check out.  SHE reported me for being rude to the other lady.............now how was i rude??  i could have told her that her daughter was going to be pooping paper mache, but i didn't.  she wouldn't have believed me anyway.  i am a mother of a 20 year old.  i do understand that the rule of thumb is "I CAN TALK ABOUT MY CHILD ALL DAY, BUT YOU CAN'T".  but that is a rule made to be broken from time to time.  actually, i DIDN'T falsely accuse the child of anything.  but as my gm said, just keep the kids out of it. 

so, to mother's (and father's) out there...........when you go into a store of any kind with your children, no matter what their ages, always keep them close at hand..........and make sure you know what they are doing.  retail stores are not free babysitters.  we are people trying to make a meager living at usually minimum wage.....just trying to feed and clothe and shelter our own munchkins..............

the day before the above incident, we had a group or family come in to shop.  while the adults (i use the term loosely) were shopping, the children, all possibly under the age of 10, managed to open close to $100 worth of candy, consuming quite a bit of it there in the store.  they also opened numerous packages of craft supplies, some of which we were able to save and put back out. 

WHERE ARE THE PARENTS???????  why don't parents parent anymore????  most are afraid of "damaging" their child (psycho babble) or afraid of the dept of family and children services coming down on them for child abuse just for disciplining their child in public.............i say hey, you don't want me to teach my kid right from wrong?  then take my kid, raise them yourself...........and don't ask me for any advice.......once you take 'em, they are yours.........

and yes, i loved and still love my daughter...........may not agree with her on most everything, but i will never stop loving her.....................

THE LONG NIGHT

 

 

The wind howls at my window,

Like wolves in the woods.

Demons upon my walls in shadow

From branches outside the panes.

 

Darkness comes early, haunting/cold,

Making the night longer.

Mysterious dreams in sleep unfold,

Causing my heart to beat too fast.

 

I awaken, startled, frightened and wary.

Hope has faded in sleep,

But now, awake, new hope I carry.

Waiting, still, for morning’s light.

 

Too oft the nights seem so long

Without your arms to hold me.

But when you appear I know I was wrong

For you were never far away.

 

(BY REGINA)

A POEM BY "EX" JUDGE ROY MOORE OF ALABAMA

 I would like to preface this poem with this:  I am sure there are many who read my journal who are not Christian, or may be agnostic.  Many may or may not agree with what happened to Roy Moore.  Many may not even agree with what he believes in.  As a Christian myself, I felt the need to add this poem to my journal for those who wished to read it to do so.  Even those who disagree with our right to religion and those who think religion and politics have no right being in the same sentence may get something from this poem.  This man may have "lost" alot here on earth, but he has many treasures awaiting him in Heaven........................   

Subject: a Poem by Roy Moore (sad but true)

The following is a poem written by Judge Roy Moore from Alabama. Judge Moore was sued by the ACLU for displaying the Ten Commandments in his courtroom foyer. He has been stripped of his judgeship and now they are trying to strip his right to practice law in Alabama. The judge's poem sums it up quite well.    

America the Beautiful,
or so you used to be.
Land of the Pilgrims' pride;
I'm glad they'll never see.    

Babies piled in dumpsters,
Abortion on demand,
Oh, sweet land of liberty;
your house is on the sand.    

Our children wander aimlessly
poisoned by cocaine,
Choosing to indulge their lusts,
when God has said abstain.    

From sea to shining sea,
our Nation turns away
From the teaching of God's love
and a need to always pray.    

We've kept God in our temples,
how callous we have grown.
When earth is but His footstool,
and Heaven is His throne.    

We've voted in a government
that's rotting at the core,
Appointing Godless Judges
who throw reason out the door,    

Too soft to place a killer
in a well deserved tomb,
But brave enough to kill a baby
before he leaves the womb.    

You think that God's not angry,
that our land's a moral slum?
How much longer will He wait
before His judgment comes?    

How are we to face our God,
from Whom we cannot hide?
What then is left for us to do,
but stem this evil tide?    

 If we who are His children,
will humbly turn and pray;
Seek His holy face
and mend our evil way:    

Then God will hear from Heaven
and forgive us of our sins,
He'll heal our sickly land
and those who live within.    

But, America the Beautiful,
if you don't - then you will see,
A sad but Holy God
withdraw His hand from Thee.    

~Judge Roy Moore Pass this on and let's lift Judge Moore up in prayer. He has stood firm and needs our support.   I also like what my friend who sent this poem to me adds to the end of all of her emails.......  

Stop telling God how big your storm is; instead tell your storm how big your GOD is!!

MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY

 

THOUGH THE REAL STUFF.........GREEN, PAPER, DEAD PRESIDENTS......... WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT, MICHAEL GAVE ME A MONEY ANGEL..... SHE SUPPOSEDLY BRINGS YOU PROSPERITY.............

STILL WAITING.....................................

AND WAITING..............................

AND WAITING............................

OK, MICHAEL, IS THERE SOMETHING I AM NOT DOING HERE????????

OH WELL, I DO APPRECIATE THE THOUGHT MICHAEL............MUAH.

HALLOWEEN

SOME OF THE SPECTORS WE ENCOUNTERED ON HALLOWEEN...........

OH, AND YES, THE LAST SPECTOR IS MICHAEL, IN MAKE-UP OF COURSE........................

ROBBING THE CRADLE

 

when i look at this picture of michael, i sometimes wonder "what was i thinking?  he is so young."

look at that beautiful face, with the pouty lips.......how old do YOU think he looks?  put your answer here in a comment. please.

i count my blessings every day that michael and i met.  he means so much to me.  yes, he is younger, much younger, but he is my solid ground when i stumble and falter.  he gives me encouragement when i cannot see the light.  he reminds me of my faith, and my strength, and tells me often i have come through a lifetime of adversity and have survived, and i WILL get through this latest trial, whatever it may be.

i wish i were a painter.........i would love to paint the picture above of michael and frame it, and put it in the most famous of all museums..........

michael, though you sometimes intimidate me with your youth and youthful looks, i cherish you, and i love you.

thank you for being......................

MICHAEL'S BIRTHDAY

 

happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you.........it's an Elmo birthday day..........enjoy Michael...........(October 22, 2005)

OK, i am a bit late on putting these in my journal, but michael just downloaded these pictures from his cellphone. 

these were taken back on october 22, 2005, at sweetie's flea market in sunnyside, georgia.  (or as michael likes to call it, THE REDNECK SWAP MEET.)

michael agreed to wear the elmo birthday hat for me long enough to let everyone around us know that it was his birthday.

later that night we went to olive garden for a wonderful meal. 

michael, please don't be mad at me..........ok??  i think these pictures are cute.

MY WEATHER PIXIE

WALKING PNEUMONIA

why do they call it walking pneumonia?  when you have it, you seem to be walking in jello most of the time.  you cannot think straight, let alone walk straight.  all you do is want to lay down and forget about the world.

well it appears both michael and i are on the mend.  i hope this walking pneumonia we have both had will walk right on out of here...............bye bye pneumonia...........

hello good health.................

 

CHRISTMAS DREAMS (cont'd)

after she finished dressing, she called to dude and he came immediately.  she told him she was ready to go.  he helped her out of the room, through the cabin, and down the few steps to his front porch.  he had a very old, dilapidated ford truck parked in front of the steps. this is what she would be riding in it appeared.  it was a painful venture, but dude managed to get her into the truck.  he then asked her if she wanted to go straight to the hospital or home.  she felt she really needed to have proper medical care, so asked if he minded taking her to the hospital first. 

they drove along a long winding rough road out of the woods.  none of it looked familiar to her.  they came out on a small paved road that was also unfamiliar to her.  where the heck were they?  he then drove her to town, which, much to her relief, she did recognize.  they had come in from a direction she had never been. 

once in the emergency room, they sat down and she filled out paperwork and they waited.  while they waited, dude went to the vending machine and got both of them a cup of hot coffee.  though not her own coffee, it still tasted good.........and warmed her up more.  there had been no heat in the truck. 

after an hour, they called her name and dude helped her into the room.  the doctor spoke to dude as if he were her husband, and he laughed shyly and said no, he was just a new friend.  he told the doctor he would wait outside and exited the room.

after x-rays and consultation, someone came in and put a cast on her leg, and told her she was very lucky that someone had splinted it in the manner they had, or she would have had to have surgery on the leg with possibly a pin or metal bar placed there.

she was wheeled out to the waiting area with a pair of crutches in her lap, and dude came over and asked her how it was.  she told him what they had said, and again, he laughed shyly.  said he only did what his instincts told him.

dude helped her out of the wheelchair and back into the truck.  he then asked if she were hungry, and she said she was.  they went to a local diner where he helped her inside and they were seated.  they ate a hearty breakfast, though it was actually lunchtime.  it tasted really good to them both after the ordeal they had experienced the last couple of days.

they talked about the kitten, and how she had gone to look for what was mewing when she fell into the well.  dude apologized for the kittens mischief and told her he would be glad to pay her medical bills if she would allow.  she explained she had medical insurance, so that wouldn't be necessary, but she appreciated the offer.

after the meal, they got back into the truck and dude took her home.  they were talking during the trip, so she did not realize that dude seemed to know just where she lived.  he helped her into the house and asked if there was anything he could do for her before he went back to his cabin.  she assured him she would be fine now that she had the crutches for assistance. he told her he would check on her later that evening.  she thanked him and he left.

after dude left, she sat there in the kitchen chair, tired, wanting to go to bed, but her mind was racing. she knew sleep would evade her for some time, so she ambled over to the refrigerator and got out some milk and poured her a glass.  she went over to the table and sat again, drinking her milk and thinking about the events of the last couple of days.  what an ordeal!  but in the midst of it all, she met a neighbor, a really nice neighbor, she didn't even know existed.  good always seemed to come out of bad.  but at least now she knew why she had dreamed those horrible dreams that night.  it was a foreboding.  if only she could have interpreted her dreams before she fell into that well.

it would be Christmas soon.  of course, she would be alone with her kitties, she was sure.  dude probably had family somewhere and would spend it with them.  alone, injured, and depressed for Christmas..........

FRAMING A MOMENT IN TIME

(pretty as a picture at age 3)

if i could choose one moment in time and frame it in a picture frame for all time.....................      

 

my life has been full of disappointments, sorrow, depression and many other horrible things.  so when i try to find that one moment in time that i would love to frame forever..........it is quite difficult.  which saddens me to think that i cannot pull one moment out of my life that i would want to freeze forever in time.  i have listed below the few moments in my life where i was truly happy.  any and all of these would be a cherished item to frame and keep forever.        

 

1) the first time i saw my daughter after my c-section (all i saw was a wrinkled angry face inside a very tightly wrapped blanket, but it was the most beautiful face i had ever seen in my life)  (by the way, the pic above is my baby when she was about 3)         

 

2) the day my daughter was baptised (at age 10)        

 

3) the day my daughter stood up for me against my roommate (proving she did learn something from me the first 17 years of her life and that she loves me)        

 

4) the day michael first professed he loved me        

 

5) the moment michael and i met face to face (and the first kiss we exchanged)        

 

i am sure there are many more that escape  me at this moment.  i have been fighting pneumonia for a week or more, and with medication flowing through my veins, i am not completely cognizant, lol.       

A MERE SECOND IN TIME

well, though sick, i went to work sunday and we were short an FES (front end supervisor).  i applied for this FES position some time ago, but was told that i lacked the proper customer service skills needed.  since then, the company has hired 7 or 8 FES's off the street, some WITH prior experience, some WITHOUT.  most didn't work out..........(didn't have the proper customer service skills maybe?????)  one in particular can't handle the stress of the job.  doesn't work well under pressure.  takes everything personally and blows up and runs to the BOSS. 

 

well, this particular FES called out sick on sunday.  i have been on this job almost 2.5 years.  i know most everything in every area backward and forward.  certain details of other positions i have not been trained for or privy to.  this day, the two MOD's (managers on duty) put their heads together and decided to give me the FES keys and let me run the front without having to call one of them to do the tasks that can only be done by an FES or MOD. 

 

i didn't want the keys, but figured, well maybe they are "training me" or seeing how much i know so that i might be advanced to this position.  either way, i took the keys and handled everything without any problems at all. 

 

when the evening shift FES came in, she was not only shocked to know i had FES keys, but was angered by it.  she ran to the office assistant (whom i do not like at all and who feels the same about me) and told her i was the new FES (which wasn't true).  i asked the MOD if i could relinquish my keys to the night FES and he said no, i was doing just fine, keep the keys.  i also explained to him i didn't know some of the duties required (which was pointed out by the office assistant).  he told the night FES to do those tasks and give me the keys back. 

 

when it was time to close out  the registers, i gave the keys over to the night FES and had her do the register closings.  i felt i had handled everything efficiently and properly throughout the time i had possession of the FES keys. 

 

i was off on monday, and when i went in on tuesday, my time card was being held in the office.  i went to see why and the general manager told me i had two things against me in the book.  i checked..........the first was the fact i had signed off on a check over $100 and hadn't had an MOD or FES co-sign.  i had asked my MOD if i had to have someone else's initials on the check when i took it and they said no, mine would be sufficient since i was acting FES.  the other was also something i had been given permission to do by an MOD.  i signed the book, but under protest, and my general manager told me neither of the write-ups would be held against me.  hahahahahaha.....i guess i will believe that one right up there with "i am still working on getting your first raise put through".  (i never got the very first raise i was supposed to get 90 days after i started to work there.  every time i ask about it, the new general manager blames it on the old general manager.  but yet, i still haven't seen my raise..........i don't care whose fault it was that i didn't get it, i just want my frickin money...........i plan on getting it someday..........somehow.......)