i am 54 today.......woohoooooo.........i made it!!!!!!!!!! i am at the library again. my computer is obviously beyond hope. i tried opening in safe mode. i tried going into the opening setup and change some things..........nothing. i keep getting the blue screen that tells me windows has been shut down to protect my computer. sigh. just when i was getting my new website set up and changing some of my old stuff. oh well, there is a reason for it.
the reason i am tooting my own birthday horn is this: i have no family and no real friends locally, so if i don't toot it, no one will.......lol. actually, i am trying to make myself happy, or at least a little less sad. i had the following happen to me on friday:
as i was working at my salvation army job, i turned around and noticed my daughter standing behind me. after i finished up with my customer, i went over to hug her and noticed she had been crying. i asked her what was wrong, and she told me that her paternal grandfather had passed away. i had always respected the man, even though he and that whole side of the family shut me out after my daughter moved out when she was 17. i was saddened by the news, especially after having lost 2 online friends recently. i asked if i could take my break and go and talk with my daughter, and was told i could. we sat in the break room for about 20 minutes talking about how tom died and the circumstances around his illness and death. i told my daughter i would like to attend the funeral out of respect for him, if i wasn't working on the day of the funeral. she told me that the family didn't want me to attend and then she told me she didn't want me there either. OH MY GOD!!!! what is wrong with these people??!! all i want to do is pay my respects to a man i once knew and respected. i guess they have made up their minds that i am the bad guy since my daughter moved out 5 years ago. they haven't had anything at all to do with me since the day she moved out. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. after i displayed my angst and hurt at being told not to attend, i asked my daughter if she wanted to walk to my car with me and i would give her her birthday and Christmas presents. she said, "No, I don't want them." the hurt began again. i just don't get it. i sacrificed 14 years of my life for her, and now this??!! i give up................
i didn't go to the funeral. and i have chosen not to send a card either. or flowers. i said my peace to God and hopefully, if tom is up there, he heard my words too.
i cried most of the weekend over this, making my eyes red and sandy feeling. so, that is why i feel i have to wish myself a happy birthday and try to be uplifting to myself and others today.
dang it, i still feel tears welling up.
well, better scoot since i have only 9 more minutes on this library computer. thanks to all of you for hanging in there with me.
28 comments:
A very Happy Birthday to you my dear friend. I am so sorry about the family situation, just remember you have extended family on here who do care about you. Big Birthday hugs.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/jeanno43/JeannettesJottings/
Happy Birthday, sorry it is not going so well for you. I can understand your sadness at the events. I can only hope that your daughter comes around eventually.
Greg
HAPPY BIRTHAY TO YOU MY DEAR FRIEND...We must be almost twins I was only 63 yesterday !! I am sad that your daughter has treated you so badly and to hear of the death of Tom. However I am sure wherever he is he will now know all the circumstances...and anyway the one who REALLY matters our dear Lord does know, and that is all that matters. Keep strong dear. and once again I hope that you can have a very good contented year ahead. Much LOve Sybil xx
Please know I am so sad to hear about how your daughter is treating you and how unforgiving they can be. How do people justify in their head their so called rights to meet out punishment by neglecting and being hurtful like this? I don't think people like that make it to heaven. I just want to wish you a happier year. One day she'll grow up and see how she lost many years. I hope my youngest daughters do the same thing. Before I am too old to know they're there. Yes, this is very hurtful. It seems the 'victims' here have now become the victimizers.
Sending you lots of hugs and an ecard that I didn't realize you wouldn't get right away until AFTER I read this entry.
Hugs and a shoulder.
Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/PrayingandBelieving/
((Hugs)) Happy Birthday dear friend. May you find the love and peace this year you so richly deserve and all the years yet to come. As for your daughter...I've been down this path with my own and in some ways still am. Mine is slowly coming around. Sometimes it's just a matter of them earning life lessons under their belts to actually get the love and sacrifice we gave to them.....Sometimes they may never get to that place. Today I hope you know your in my thoughts and prayers on the smoke. (Hugs) Indigo
Happy Birthday to you.....I wish you only the best. Nelisha sent me and I will be back....
Michele
Happy Birthday. That is really sad about your family and your daughter. All you can do is try to meet new friends. You can make a family if you try, they don't have to be blood to love you. I tell many people this because you can't make your family love you. I have always been an outcast in my family because I was adopted. My adopted family (except my mom and dad) don't like me because I'm an extra and my biological family don't like me because I didn't belong from day one. You cannot focus on those people, they will never change. Make new friends and family. -Missy http://journals.aol.com/ma24179/MISSYZSTUFF
Happy Birthday!! I'm here by way of Nelishia, I hope you have a wonderful day! Phyllis
I came by to wish you a Happy Birthday! Praying that all of your troubles will be ending soon and that you and your daughter can reconcile.
Traci
Happy Birthday, Regina, and many happy returns!
Reading your story was very sad, just shows how unnecessarily cruel people can be to each other. We're here for you :-)
Guido
http://journals.aol.co.uk/pharmolo/NorthernTrip/
Happy Birthday girl , I will keep you in my prayers
hugs
Sherry
Happy Birthday to you!!! I wish you a happy today and many happy tomorrows as well.
Lisa
http://journals.aol.com/wwfbison/life-on-a-bison-farm
Happy Birthday, Regina! I'm sorry for your sadness and hope this note helps to cheer you up a bit. You have family right here in J-Land!
Sam
happy birthday to you! I came by way of Nelishia and I am sorry you are alone on your birthday. You sound like a nice and reasonable person to me reading down through your journal, so give your daughter some time and she may come to realize that a mother is not just somebody to throw away. And I know I would be devastated if my computer acted up like that. Gerry http://journals.aol.com/gehi6/daughters-of-the-shadow-men/
Happy, happy birthday! I hope something good happens, sometime this week. So sorry you are alone on your birthday but know you have lots of friends in AOL journal land. Take care and give yourself a hug. Linda in Washington state
happy birthday to you; I'm sorry for the problems you have with your daughter and your relationship with her, I just want to wish you the best day you can have.
betty
((((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU))))))))))))))Happy Birthday to you.I hope its a nice one.
Happy Birthday!
Guido sent me over and I want to wish you much happiness for today.
I'm so sorry you are going through rough times with your family. I don't understand why your daughter came to tell you about her paternal grandfather dying when all along you were banned from his funeral. That was so hurtful.
As long as you are at peace with yourself and how you have always acted regarding your daughter, then accept this hurt as a sign of the love you will always have for her and your family. If you didn't love them you wouldn't hurt.
I hope one day that you will all be as one again.
Meanwhile...why not go out and make your own family by encouraging friendships. Friends after all are the family we get to choose for ourselves.
God Bless
Jeanie xx
Hi Guido sent me over.I am so sorry to read of the pain you feel just now regarding your family.I think family torment is one of the worst and I realy feel for you.I hope you can manage to enjoy your Birthday in some way, which makes you hapyy. For now keep your spirit up and know you are being thought of here in J/Land.I am sure Tom will be looking down and know your every thought too."A Very Happy Birthday" to you and many more of them.Take Care God Bless Kath astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES
You have a great birthday.
nelishia sent me over...you are on my alerts now...nice to meet you....i do not know the story of you yet, i will read more.....but i am really sorry that your daughter treated you as she did...this child only has one mom....i pray that you are ok and i am sorry your PC is not working. I will be here each time you post.
HUGS, lisa jo
Hi Regina,
Nelishia sent me your way today, but I have been following your journal on and off for about three or four years. :) Lahoma talked to me about you and gave me your link to your journal and not too long after that, you stopped journaling. Then, Lahoma and I found your journal again around the time that you were with Michael. And now, I have been reading this journal for a minute. Not commenting though because I feel kinda funny commenting when I dont have my own journal anymore. Anyways, I wanted to come over here and wish you a very HAPPY Birthday, and to say that no matter what happens, you have a life to live, so live it to the fullest each day, and as far as your daughter goes, well, one of these days, she will wish she hadnt spent so much time being mad at her mother instead of enjoying and learning from her, but, dont let her, or anyone for that matter, "Steal your joy"....You are an amazing woman with so much to offer, and I hope you see that and keep being the good person that you are!
Happy Happy Birthday!
Kim.
('going mach 2 with my hair on fire' was my journal when I came to jland)
God bless you friend! - Barbara
happy birthday i hope your having a great time
i ran into this entry
as i was chekn blogs
good wishes
I come from Nelisha, Sorry my Birthday wishes are tardy, Have not been around much as of late. I hope and wish you a happy belated Birthday and a wonderful year full of God's blessings to come. i will be back. I put you on my alerts.
God Bless,
Tia
hiya,
happy birthday,
i`m new to your blog so will keep popping over,
take care
Happy Belated Birthday! I'm reading out of order and backwards..lol. I just turned 54 in November. My heart breaks for you and your relationship with your daughter. My youngest daughter will be 22 in June. It's such a rocky road. I pray that she realizes how much you love her. HUGS to you, Chris
Happy Birthday Regina....sorry I am late.
Sharon
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