DISAPPOINTMENT

we raise our children the best we can, and then, after they are grown and out of the house, they do things that both pleasantly surprise us, and sadly disappoint us. 

i was working the other night when my lovely daughter came into the workplace.  she looked angry, with a menacing scowl on her beautiful face.  i thought she was upset with her bf or someone else.  but, after i finished waiting on my customer, she came around and loudly announced she was very unhappy........with me.  ME!!!  ok, i do a reader's digest version of the list of things i could possibly have done to have caused this ire and come up with nothing.  so i asked her what on earth did i do.  she said i hadn't paid my car insurance premium and they were calling her day and night harassing her over it. 

well, first of all, let me explain why she is involved.  she recently learned i couldn't buy my car insurance and it was lapsed.  so she contacted my insurance company and paid it for me.  it was close to $200.  it was considered a mother's day gift.  that is, unless i didn't keep up the subsequent premiums.  then it became a loan, to be paid back in full.  i understood her reasoning, and agreed, even though i had planned on paying her back anyway. 

i paid my premium........on time.........and yet they called her.  they woke her up at 8 am after she had worked a late shift the night before.  so i can understand her being angry.  but NOT AT ME!  she didn't even give me time to answer before she started yelling at me about not paying my premium.  i even told her that i had the receipt in my purse if she wanted to wait till i could take a break and go show her.  she continued to fuss, even with customers nearby, so i just told her not to come on my job yelling at me about something over which i had no control and wasn't my fault.  she flounced off out the door.  i called to her that i still loved her.........i do.

on my break i called the number she gave me to call at the insurance company, and the young man was very apologetic, and told me that they had my daughter's number down as the contact number.  i told him no, she was the EMERGENCY contact number, and there didn't seem to be an emergency, so why was she called.  he deleted her number completely, told me the payment had been received, and put me on the "do not call" list.  it is an automated call center that calls you several days before the payment is due and starts reminding you that a payment is due.  but my daughter told me that the person she talked to told her that i hadn't paid my premium yet.  so i am not sure what happened, but the insurance company got an earful from me, as i did from my daughter.

i called my daughter's cell phone and left her a detailed message as to what the man said and told her i loved her, and as of yet, i haven't heard a word back from her.  i just don't get it.  how can a young person have so much anger inside of them.......over something that wasn't even my fault.  i wish i understood.  i wasn't that sort of young person, so i don't understand these feelings.  oh well, no matter what, i still love her..................

THE DREAMER

THE DREAMER

She awakens to shots fired in the alley

Reaching over she touches her mommy

At least this time they are safe

But next time might be different

Their cardboard box is all they have

And the dirty clothes they wear

Nothing fancy, nothing new

But home since she can remember

Her days are filled with rummaging through cans

Choosing which items are still good

Her nights are filled with shots fired, shouting

And shadows that frighten her

When she finally reaches sleep she is safe

Dreams are her salvation

Instead of dreaming of being a ballerina

Her dreams are of a warm, safe home

She doesn’t know how sad she is

For she is only six

By Regina

BLUE SILK MEMORIES

His feet bleed, but he feels them not

The freezing cold numbed them long ago

His bones ache, as does his heart

Memories still haunting his restless sleep

Dark blue silk was everyday attire

Pressed starched shirt as well

Now he wears well-worn denim

Found in a garbage can

Caviar and steak were commonplace

As was wine, hundreds of years old

Now, a cast out half-eaten burger

Fills the void for a short while

Not so long ago he had a friend

Shaggy, cold nose, but with a warm heart

A gang of thugs thought it sport

To take this friend and dismember him

Now, not only are the nights colder

But so grows his heart

He wishes he could forgive

But there isn’t enough good left in him

His hope is to go peacefully in his sleep

Awaking to heaven or hell

But for now he will curl up in the cold

And let his memories haunt him

(by Regina)

FESTIVAL

this is the candle lady, at her candle booth, at the festival last saturday.

i have other pictures, of the candles, but my computer is not letting me put them in.  so i will add as it lets me.

 

this is a shot of some of her display.  the two larger ones on top with decorations on them are ones i did.  not a good picture, i know.  it is a five dollar digi cam, lol.

another shot of some of the ones i did........the ones with decorated lids and necklaces.

more of the ones i that i decorated.

this is the last shot i took.  the blue candle with the pearl accents is one i did. 

the festival comes every year, and mostly it is lots of good junk foods you can't get most of the year except at fairs or festivals.  ie: funnel cakes.  i invited my daughter over to my house, and we walked up to the festival and just spent two hours enjoying each other's company and the sites.  below, if my computer will allow, are pictures of my candle decorations up closer.  of course, if there is nothing there, the wifi wouldn't let me add them.  so here goes.................

 

      

IS IT JUST ME???

is it just me, or are there an enormous amount of fires in the united states this year??  you know, the Lord said He would not destroy the earth by flood again.........and i have always felt it would be by fire the next time around.  could this be it??  it gives us something to think about.  i mean, the whole world is going to he** in a hand basket.  there are little to no morals left and being tolerant has led us to a path of destruction.  are we in the midst of God's vengeance???  something to ponder indeed..............

FINALLY

i made arrangements with the candle lady to meet her at 11 am at my workplace.  i got up early and got everything together, ate a piece of wheat toast with orange marmalade (mmmmm) and trekked off to work.  i went in and took all the candles out of their protective paper to show them to my fellow employees, and to check them to make sure nothing had happened to them since i left them in the breakroom overnight. 

i had time to sit and talk to those who were coming in and out of the breakroom, and those having lunch.  it was a nice feeling to be there and not working, lol.  one of my fellow employees, Richard, came into the breakroom to tell me that the candle lady had called and to tell me that she would be a little late.  sigh................here we go.

well it turned out she wasn't all that late, and she was really impressed with what i had done.  her little girl, who is about 15 months old i think, took control over the breakroom, trying to get into everything.  i transacted my business with Christine and we decided on $1.50 each for the jar necklaces that i "remade" out of cheap bottle necklaces, and $2 each for the rest of the necklaces and lid adornments.  she brought me 13 more candles to do.  we were adding them up, and she forgot about the 7 i brought with me.........that made 20 instead of 13 at $2 each.  then i realized when i got home that i had kept a couple here at the house that we didn't count.  so that will be around 22 at $2 each, and then another 6 at the $1.50 price.  not too bad i guess.  she offered to pay me for what i had already done, but i told her i would just settle up with her on friday when we got together again.

so, i am meeting her at 4 pm at my workplace tomorrow.  i just hope that John doesn't get mad at me.  he was there today when i came in.  i told him i was buying more stuff to decorate my candles with.  but i didn't, lol.

so, hopefully, tomorrow at this time i will be about $53 richer..........even though the word richer is actually an oxymoron when it comes to me, lol.  i have to buy a phone card, which is $20, and put gas in the car for next week, which is another $15.  wow, that leaves me..........$18.  i think i will buy me a house in malibu, lol.

my daughter called me 5 times today and left a message each time.  of course, i had come home from the meeting and crashed, so didn't hear the phone.  i called her back and she told me that her boyfriend had asked her to be a dealer for the Hands of Hope Clinic's Poker Night tomorrow night.  that is the clinic that i go to, and this is a really big thing.  so she will get paid to have fun.  she lost her job as a waitress a week ago, and monday she starts a new waitressing job at O'Charley's.  they hired her on the spot.  she loves those tips, lol.

my internet is still intermittent, so i often cannot get online to see if anyone has written something new in their journals.  so, for those who still read my sometimes boring entries, i will be commenting in yours, if the internet allows.

i need to get into bed now, for i have 9 more candles to decorate before 4 pm tomorrow.  i am too tired to try working with small beads tonight.  plus the kitty is letting me know it is time for me to settle down for she is ready to snuggle.

so unless i find i cannot sleep, i will end here...........goodnight all.............

 

HOMELESS

She sits alone, skin wrinkled with years of hard life

She has such a story to tell, but no one to hear

Long ago she was abandoned by family and friends

Because she chose drink over living for so long

She no longer is slave to the liquid, but her fate is sealed

All have passed her by and moved on

Is she damaged goods, not worthy of our listening?

Is she forever silenced because we don’t care?

She is someone’s daughter

She is someone’s mother, or sister

She exists only in her own mind

She relives the past daily, but has no one to share it with

Don’t cross the street to avoid her

Cross the street to meet her, and hear her story

Maybe she is a little crazy, maybe not

What can you possibly lose by listening?

What a multitude you could gain...........

(by Regina)