CHRISTMAS DREAMS, A STORY

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE ASKED, CHRISTMAS DREAMS IS AN ONGOING WORK THAT I WRITE AS I FEEL IT.  SOME OF THE IDEAS ARE DRAWN FROM REAL LIFE, EITHER MINE OR SOMEONE ELSE'S, BUT MOST ARE FROM MY IMAGINATION.  I USED TO CLEAN HOUSE WHEN I WAS ANGRY, NOW I WRITE.  I WOULD SLEEP AND FORGET ABOUT LIFE WHEN DEPRESSED, NOW I WRITE.  A LOT OF EMOTION GOES INTO WRITING ANYTHING.  I HOPE SOME OF THAT EMOTION COMES THROUGH IN MY WRITINGS.  NO NEED TO ANALYZE MY STORIES, JUST ENJOY THEM.  THAT IS THEIR PURPOSE. 

I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR AND REMEMBER,THOSE WHO GO OUT DRINKING, DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE AND WATCH OUT FOR THE OTHER DRIVER WHO MAY NOT HEED THAT WARNING. 

CHRISTMAS DREAMS (cont'd)

the dim light that had given her a small bit of hope was fading fast.  nightfall was coming.  it would get colder in here she was sure.     

 

she wanted to sit down, but knew that the water in the bottom of this hole would soak her and chill her through and through.  she didn't need pneumonia.  she braced herself against the muddy wall and drifted in and out of sleep.  she slipped down the wall during one of these naps, and found the water she had tried to avoid.  it did chill her through and through.  so she sat down, figuring her body heat might warm up the water and it would be like burying yourself in snow to stay warm.  she soon fell asleep, deeply this time.      

 

when she awakened, she was in a dimly lit room, not familiar to her.  the covers about her were warm, and she never wanted to leave this place.  was she dreaming?  was she dead, and this was her heaven?  a voice came from the corner of the room, deep, but soft "oh, i see you are awake.  how are you feeling?"  the sound of this voice startled her.  but it sounded so compassionate, she immediately found her coarse voice and replied with "i don't know quite yet."  then a small shadow grew large on the wall as the voice took substance and became a man approaching her bedside.  he was short in stature, with a full beard, quite unkempt, and long brownish hair.  she could not see his face yet.  he leaned over the bed to speak again, and she saw his eyes in the dim lamplight.  they were the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen on a man.  they were kind eyes.  he straightened the quilt around her and asked if she wanted something warm to eat or drink.  she asked where she was and what had happened to her.      

 

the kind man laughed softly and told her his lost kitten found her in the old abandoned well.  he went looking for the little one and it was found frantickly prancing around the hole to the well.  he took out his flashlight and looked inside the hole, and there she was, way down at the bottom of the well, looking more dead than alive.

 

he had taken the kitten home and secured it safely in his cabin before going back and rescuing the woman in the well.  she had been alive, but he found it difficult getting her out, for the opening was only big enough for one person.  he was unable to put his ladder down into the hole and bring her up over his shoulder.  he had to build a small pulley system and hoisted her up to the top.  he told her he hoped he had not hurt her more than she already was.  

 

she spoke softly to him, telling him how much gratitude she felt for saving her life.  and it did not matter if he had caused a few bruises, she would heal from those much quicker than from frostbite........or worse.............death.  

 

she tried to scoot herself up in the bed and realized her left leg would not bend.  she felt under the covers and discovered a makeshift splint.  she must have broken her leg.  the man must have surmised what she was thinking, and told her that it didn't appear to be serious, but she did need to have it x-rayed and examined by a doctor as soon as possible.  

 

after he told his rescue story, she asked him for some warm soup or stew.  he left the room and returned with a bowl of venison stew and a hot cup of cider.  it was truly good.  after she ate, she tried to sit her bowl on the night table and realized just how sore she was.  she didn't know how to tell him she needed to go to the powder room.  she eventually blurted it out.  he chuckled and came to her side and helped her out of the bed and to the small bathroom.  he told her he would be right outside if she needed anything.  he then closed the door and she took care of her business.  it wasn't until now that she realized she was no longer in the same clothing she had worn out to the pond.  she was wearing a man's large t-shirt and a pair of men's boxer shorts.  oh dear, this man had seen her naked.........oh well, she was 65, he must be half her age, so she was sure it wasn't anything damaging.  he must have felt like he was undressing and dressing his mother, or worse yet, his grandmother.  she was just too old to be embarrassed about it.  

 

after completing her task, she called out to him to help her back to bed.  he was there in a moment and easily got her back to her resting place.  it was then that she introduced herself and apologized for not doing so sooner.  he laughed softly again, and told her most of the younger kids in town called him "dude" and it sorta stuck.  she told him it was nice to meet him.  

 

after about an hour of small talk, dude told her he had some things he needed to take care of, and she needed to rest some more, so he would come back in a few hours to check on her.  he left her, she soon fell back to sleep, and she did not awaken till early the next day.  dude knocked on her door, and upon entering, he told her he had gone into some old trunks he had in the attic, and found some clothing that might fit her well enough to get her out of this cabin and to either her house or the doctor's office.  he handed her a small bundle of folded clothing and asked if she needed any help.  she said she would call him if she did.  he left the room, and she cautiously changed into the clothing, which fit well enough to get from here to her house to her own clothing.  it was at this moment that she began to wonder just where she was.  she couldn't be far from her house since the well was on the property she rented.  she didn't realize there was a cabin back in the woods behind her house.  well, now she knew.  and there was a wonderful man who lived in that cabin.................who saved her life...............

CHRISTMAS DREAMS (cont'd)

as she neared the pond, she heard a mewing sound off to the left.  there was alot of fallen branches and other woods debris on that side of the pond, so she decided to ignore the sound.  she trailed off to the right, going to the far side of the pond.  there was a big stump there, just the right height for her to rest her plump bottom upon.  she dusted off the inch or so of snow and sat, thinking what a beautiful landscape lay before her.  just enough snow had fallen and stuck to make everything in the woods look completely different.  what were once small saplings lining the edge of the woods looked now like small skeletal children, pointing here and there.  even the larger trees' branches looked much like towering skeletal parents, shaking their skinny fingers at the wayward children.  

 

as she sat, taking it all in, she heard the sound again.  she couldn't let it go this time.  she got up from her resting place and hiked off in the direction of the sound.  going this way around the pond wasn't as hazardous as from the other side.  or so she thought.  when she got really close to the sound, it stopped.  her large boots had made alot of crunching noises on the icy snow, thus silencing whatever was calling out.  there was a huge dead tree trunk laying across her path.  she sat upon it, scooting her ample bottom across it, and then over.  as her feet came down on the other side, they found nothing solid underneath.  she thought for a second that it was just her imagination.  but when she felt herself going down, down, down........then she knew she was in trouble.  

 

everything went black around her.  as she tried to figure out in her head what had just happened, she heard the mewing sound again.  it was up there........up there where she once was.........  

 

she could barely make out the light from the top of whatever she had fallen into.  there was a wee bit of sky showing, but mostly twigs and branches covered the opening.  she tried to adjust her eyes to this tomb of darkness she now inhabited, but it wasn't working.  she felt around with her hands, feeling cold, wet earth, mud, roots from long dead trees.  her feet seemed to be planted in water.  not much, but enough to cause her some discomfort as soon as the wetness seeped into her boots.  this must be a well or something similar.  she had never heard anyone speak of there being one here, but then if it was old and abandoned, no one would have mentioned it.  well it may be an old well, but it sure wasn't abandoned..........anymore................

ENRAGED

i just saw the most disturbing thing.......i was looking for pictures of trash strewn streets for a small project i was working on..........and this is what i came upon..........

http://www.taliacarner.com/deadnewborningutter.htm

i am in a library, with tears rolling down my cheeks.  how on God's green earth can something like this happen?????????????????  i hope this picture doesn't hurt anyone out there personally, but i could not allow this to go without shouting to the world about it.  i will not post the picture itself, but those who wish to read the story and see the picture, please click on the link (or cut and paste into your browser).

may God help us all................

CHRISTMAS PRESENTS

i wanted to share pics of some Christmas presents i made for two very special people.  the first pic is of michael wearing his new native american choker i made for him.  the second pic is my california friend, colleen, sporting her new earrings i made.  the cross has detail but you can't tell it very well.  i hope they both enjoy wearing these tokens of my love for michael and my friendship for colleen.  (isn't michael cute with his necklace on???????  ok ok, so he isn't smiling, but that is because there are smile-stealing gremlins in the cam..........

CHRISTMAS DREAMS (CONT'D)

after some time of praying, a peace fell over her, and she was able to crawl back into her warm bed and resume sleep, this time, uneventful sleep.    

the morning sun shone brightly into her room, waking her.  as she moved about in the bed, trying to adjust her eyes to the light, her cats stretched and yawned, and began their routine of meowing for breakfast.     

having fed her babies, she decided to try some nourishment for herself.  cream of wheat sounded good, but she didn't have any.  did she want to venture out into the cold morning to go to the store to purchase some cream of wheat?  or should she just stay home and eat cold cereal?  decisions, decisions.  she had to laugh at the absurdity of the decisions she was faced with of late.  when she was younger, her decisions would be of importance, and people looked up to her for her ability to always make the right ones.  now, it was a matter of cold or hot cereal on a cold winter morning, and there was no one who cared which decision she made.    

a moment of insanity hit her, and she donned some warm clothing and opened the front door to a world of cold and a light layer of snow.  she wanted to walk to the store, but finally decided to take the car.     

there were few people in the store, so her shopping trip was uneventful.  upon arriving home, she began the task of preparing the cream of wheat.  when it was ready, she sat down to a nice hot bowl and was once again glad she  had gone to the store.    

the kitties were watching her every move, hoping she would sit in the nice big comfy chair in front of the tv, so they could join her.  but she was in a better mood now, and decided that it was time to work on some crafts.  so she grabbed her knitting bag, and went to the sofa and began her latest venture........a scarf for a neighbor.     

after an hour or so of knitting, she tired, and decided to go for a walk.  she bundled up again, and struck out for the pond near the woods behind her house.  she never dreamed the sprinkling of snow overnight would soon cause her a day of pain..................

RESPONSE TO "CHRISTMAS DULDRUMS"

i would like to thank all those who commented on my journal entry "Christmas Duldrums".  i appreciate the great suggestions. 

being diabetic, i cannot eat alot of sweets or really good Christmas treats.  i hate to bake something i cannot partake of, it just makes me sadder. 

i am renting a room from a lady with three children, and most of my stuff is in storage, so i don't have any baking supplies.  so the pies, cakes, cookies thing is sorta out of the question.  but i have been making jewelry, crocheting scarves, and making other things for Christmas presents.  it helps some. 

i know i shouldn't lose site of what is really important this time of year.  the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  i know He is there, just waiting for me to turn to Him for help out of my duldrums, but being human, i tend to try to make my life happy all by myself.

being apart from michael is hard too.  i miss him so much when we are not together.......

and my being sick right now doesn't help either.  but i do know there is a light at the end of my tunnel..........if i can just find that dang end........

hope everyone out there in journal land has a very MERRY CHRISTMAS. 

 

CHRISTMAS DREAMS

IT WAS CHRISTMAS EVE.  THE HOUSE WAS QUIET, MUCH LIKE THE CHRISTMAS STORY OF OLD.  NO CLOCK WAS TICKING.  NO SOUNDS OF FOOTSTEPS ANYWHERE IN THE HOUSE.  JUST SILENCE.......DEAFENING SILENCE.  THE CATS WERE EVEN ASLEEP, DREAMING OF MICE OR WHATEVER CATS DREAM OF.   

 

SHE HAD SAT ALONE, WAITING, FOR SEVERAL DAYS.  NO PHONE CALL.  NO VISIT.  SHE HATED THE HOLIDAYS ANYWAY, BUT WHEN NO ONE WAS THERE TO SHARE THEM WITH HER, THE FEELING OF DREAD AND DESPAIR DEEPENED.  

 

WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE CALL OR VISIT?  SHE REACHED OVER AND CHECKED THE PHONE FOR A DIAL TONE.  YEP.  IT WORKED.  SHE TURNED ON THE TV, HOPING TO FIND SOMETHING THERE THAT WOULD TAKE HER MIND OFF HER LONELINESS.  CHRISTMAS SPECIALS........  FAMILY GATHERINGS......  MOVIES ABOUT FAMILIES.....  DYSFUNCTIONAL, BUT STILL FAMILIES TOGETHER FOR CHRISTMAS.  SHE CRAVED A FAMILY.  SHE HAD A DAUGHTER WHO HAD MOVED OUT YEARS AGO, BUT THIS DAUGHTER WAS INVOLVED WITH HER OWN FRIENDS AND HAD CREATED A LIFE OUTSIDE OF HER MOTHER'S REALM.   

 

SHE FELT OLD........MUCH OLDER THAN HER TRUE AGE OF 65.  SHE KNEW SOMEDAY SHE WOULD BE ALONE, AND THERE WOULD BE HOURS AND DAYS AND WEEKS OF BEING BY HERSELF.  BUT SHE NEVER DREAMED IT COULD POSSIBLY BE THIS BAD.  NO NEIGHBORS VISITED.  THEY WERE ALL TOO BUSY WITH THEIR OWN FAMILIES.  NO ONE WANTED TO TAKE TIME OUT TO VISIT AND SPEND TIME WITH AN OLD LADY WHO MOSTLY KEPT TO HERSELF IN HER SMALL HOUSE OUT ON THE EDGE OF TOWN.  

 

SO SHE SCOOPED UP A CAT, CONVINCED IT TO SIT IN HER LAP FOR AWHILE, AND FOUND A SMALL BIT OF HAPPINESS IN THE PURRING CONTENTMENT THE CAT DISPLAYED.  THIS WAS HOW CHRISTMAS WOULD BE SPENT, SHE WAS SURE.   

 

ONCE OR TWICE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT TURNING ON THE RADIO AND PLAYING SOME CHRISTMAS MUSIC....... BUT THEN DECIDED NOT TO.  MAYBE SHE WANTED TO BE SAD........MAYBE SHE WANTED TO BE DEPRESSED AND ALONE.........MAYBE SHE REVELED IN SUCH FEELINGS.  AFTER ALL, SHE HAD EXPERIENCED THEM MOST OF HER LIFE.  WHY SHOULD THINGS CHANGE NOW?  

 

AFTER A FEW HOURS OF SITTING IN THE DARKNESS OF THE ROOM, STARING INTO SPACE, SHE GENTLY PUT THE KITTY DOWN AND GOT UP FROM HER CHAIR.  MAYBE SOMETHING TO EAT WOULD MAKE HER FEEL BETTER....... FOOD WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING SHE LOOKED FORWARD TO.   

 

SHE WENT TO THE FREEZER AND PULLED OUT A CONTAINER OF HOMEMADE VEGETABLE BEEF SOUP SHE HAD MADE A FEW MONTHS AGO.  SHE KNEW IT WOULD BE BOTH NOURISHING AND ENJOYABLE.  SHE SLOWLY HEATED IT AND TOOK IT TO THE LIVINGROOM TO SIT AND ENJOY WHILE WATCHING ONE OF THOSE DREADED CHRISTMAS SHOWS.  SOMEHOW THE SOUP MADE THE SHOW MORE APPEALING.   

 

WHEN THE NEWS CAME ON, SHE DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO TRY TO FIND SLEEP........ONE OF THE ONLY TRIED AND TRUE REMEDIES FOR HER DEPRESSION.  WITH HER CATS SNUGGLING CLOSELY FOR WARMTH, SHE CLOSED HER EYES AND TRIED TO FIND THE BLESSED NUMBNESS OF SLEEP.  SOON, IT CAME.  BUT HER SLEEP WAS FILLED WITH DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES.  DEATH, HARM, SICKNESS, DARKNESS.  SHE AWOKE, STARTLED AND FEELING SOMETHING WAS WRONG.  SHE COULDN'T SHAKE THE FEELING, SO GOT OUT OF HER WARM BED TO SIT IN THE COLD ROOM TO AWAKEN HERSELF COMPLETELY FROM THE HORRIBLE DREAMS AND RID HERSELF OF THE DARK FEELINGS.  

 

THOUGH A CHRISTIAN, SHE HADN'T PRAYED IN SOME TIME.  SHE FIGURED TONIGHT WAS A REALLY GOOD TIME TO START BACK.  SHE SAT THERE IN THE COLD, MUMBLING PRAYERS AND HOPING GOD WASN'T ON VACATION.............  

 

(THIS IS A MULTIPLE PART ENTRY.  MORE OF THIS STORY LATER, AS I WRITE IT.)

LOST

for many reasons i am sure, i have lost alot of my readers.  i have not only been away from my journal for long periods of time, but i have had little time to devote to writing anything of great interest to others.  i have been so consumed with loving michael (which i don't plan on stopping) that i have forsaken my literary talents..................

so, hopefully i will soon begin again, and give you, the reader, something to look forward to.........

now, my next question...........how do i find the message board that i used to frequent?  i don't know the name of it.  i just know who used to be in it all the time.............i guess most of them have moved to non aol journals and message boards because of the ad banners.  i don't like the ad banners either, but am unable to stop aol from doing what it wishes. 

if someone could possibly give me a link to the message board where dornbrau, his1desire, and others of that group used to hang out, it would be greatly appreciated.

have a blessed day........

a friend who works at the library where i go to use the internet sent this to me..........i hope it opens for everyone..........

it will especially touch those who are mothers..........enjoy!

http://m01.webmail.aol.com/15106/aol/en-us/Mail/get-attachment.aspx?uid=1.13029863&folder=New+Mail&partId=4&saveAs=LittleAngels_1.pps

THE CROSS

I FOUND THIS PICTURE IN MY FILES, RECEIVED FROM SOMEONE A LONG TIME AGO.........AND THOUGHT IT WAS AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL.........

IT IS ONLY AN ARTIST'S RENDERING, BUT STILL SO PEACEFUL AND BEAUTIFUL.......AND REMINDS ME OF THE TRUE REASON FOR CHRISTMAS..........

ENJOY!!

MICHAEL IN HIS BIRTHDAY SHIRT

i am like a kid with a new toy. lol.  this is a shot of michael, wearing the BLACK LABEL SOCIETY t-shirt i bought him for his birthday.  of course, i took the pic with his cell phone camera, so it isn't very good. 

i promise i won't keep putting pictures in one at a time.  just wanted to make sure i could do it and they would remain in the journal.

HIGH FALLS PARK

these are pics of high falls park where michael and i went back in november.........it was sorta gloomy and cloudy that day, thus the pics taken with his cell phone turned out rather dark.  but the view and the sound of the water were really nice and peaceful.

when i get my own puter up and running, i will be able to fix the pics to make them more viewable (is that a word???? lol)

(I HAD TO ADD SOMETHING TO THIS ENTRY.......BEFORE WE LEFT HIGH FALLS, I, UM, CARVED OUR INITIALS INTO THE RAILING OVERLOOKING THE ROCKS AND THE FALLS....HOPEFULLY WE CAN GET BACK TO HIGH FALLS AND TAKE A PIC OF THAT AND PUT IT ON HERE)

 

MICHAEL AT RYAN'S STEAK HOUSE, OCTOBER 2005

OK, now i am going to try a newer picture.  this is michael sitting across from me at ryan's steak house, back in october.  it was taken with his cell phone (by me) so it isn't as clear. 

how do you like his goatee???  i like it, mainly because he looks older when sporting it.........i am afraid i will be arrested for child abuse if he keeps it shaved off.  he looks 16 without it lol.

i think i am getting the hang of this picture adding.  hope they stay on my journal...........

ANOTHER PIC OF MY WONDERFUL LOVE

THE FIRST PIC ADDITION WORKED SO WELL, I THOUGHT I WOULD TRY AGAIN..........AND I THINK IT IS GOING TO WORK!!!!!!!  WOO HOOOO!!!

THIS MAN IS JUST SO SPECIAL TO ME.......LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY, AS I DO HIM...........

KISSES TO YOU MICHAEL...........

MY SWEETY, MICHAEL

DON'T KNOW IF THIS PICTURE WILL REMAIN IN MY JOURNAL, OR EVEN SHOW UP, BUT I JUST HAD TO TRY TO PUT A PIC OF MY BABY IN HERE.................

I LOVE YOU MICHAEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHRISTMAS DULDRUMS

i just can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit........i guess it is because i never have any money at this time of year.  i love buying presents for others..........sigh.

 

so if anyone who reads my journal could put some helpful hints in my comments section, as to "how to have a wonderful Christmas", it would be greatly appreciated. 

 

in fact, this is a great idea.........it helps you think, it helps you get ideas for yourself, as well as helps others see uplifting ideas.

 

hope everyone out there in journal land is having a great holiday season, and i wish you a very

MERRY CHRISTMAS

SHE LAY SILENT, LISTENING TO THE THOUGHTS RUNNING THROUGH HER HEAD. HER HAND REACHED OVER TO TOUCH THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED.... IT WAS COLD. SHE SIGHED. WHEN HE WASN'T THERE BESIDE HER AT NIGHT, SHE FELT SO ALONE........

SHE HATED HERSELF FOR DEPENDING SO MUCH ON HIM FOR HER HAPPINESS, BUT SHE DID.

THE HOURS TICKED ON. SHE HEARD THE CAT GETTING INTO MISCHIEF SOMEWHERE IN THE ROOM. SHE DIDN'T BOTHER TO GET UP AND CHECK IT OUT.

THE QUIET DARKNESS SOON BECAME TOO MUCH FOR HER. SHE GOT UP, PUT ON HER ROBE, AND WENT OUTSIDE, SITTING ON THE PORCH. IT WAS A BIT WARM FOR A DECEMBER NIGHT, AND THERE WERE A FEW STRAY CRICKETS CHIRPING ALONG THE SIDEWALK. SOON, THERE WOULD BE NO CRICKETS. THE AIR WOULD BE TOO COLD FOR THEM TO SURVIVE. JUST LIKE THE COLD DARK NIGHTS OF YESTERDAY WERE TO COLD FOR HER TO SURVIVE.

NOW THAT HE WAS IN HER LIFE, SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LONG SPANS OF THOSE DARK NIGHTS. SOON, HE WOULD BE THERE, BESIDE HER, HOLDING HER, WHISPERING TO HER, TELLING HER THAT ALL IS WELL WITH THE WORLD............AND SHE BELIEVED IT...........AT LEAST ALL WOULD BE RIGHT IN "HER" WORLD....................

SHE GOT UP FROM HER CHAIR, WALKED BACK TO THE BEDROOM, AND TRIED ONCE MORE TO DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP. SOON, SHE DID.........AND DREAMS OF WARM MEMORIES FLOODED HER SUBCONSCIOUS.

WHEN SHE AWAKENED, HER BELOVED LAY THERE BESIDE HER, BREATHING PEACEFULLY. HE HAD MANAGED TO SNEAK IN SILENTLY SOMETIME DURING THE NIGHT SO AS NOT TO WAKE HER..............

SHE LAY THERE FOR SOME TIME, WATCHING HIS CHEST RISE AND FALL FROM HIS BREATHING..........WATCHED HIS LONG TRESSES FALL ACROSS HIS FACE, WANTING TO BRUSH THEM ASIDE, SO AS TO SEE HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE, BUT NOT WANTING TO DISTURB HIM.

SHE WAS ONCE AGAIN HAPPY...............HAPPY BECAUSE THE SOURCE OF HER HAPPINESS WAS THERE, SAFE, SECURE, BESIDE HER.

NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY AT THE ONES YOU LOVE...........ALWAYS WORK THINGS OUT, ALWAYS TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM. ALWAYS KEEP THEM IN YOUR HEART.................................MICHAEL, I LOVE YOU.

FIERY MAD......LIES LIES LIES

ONCE AGAIN......RED......FOR ANGER................

I JUST GOT AN EMAIL FROM THE AGENT OF THE TEMPORARY OUTSOURCING COMPANY, ITECH US, TELLING ME I WILL NOT BE PAID FOR MY ONE DAY ON THE JOB AT DDS. 

OF COURSE, HIS REASONS ARE ALL LIES.........

FORTUNATELY I HAVE EVERY EMAIL HE EVER SENT ME AND MY RETURN EMAILS, AND PLAN ON MAKING COPIES AND TAKING THEM TO THE LABOR BOARD. 

I AM TIRED OF THE "LITTLE PEOPLE", THE "ALREADY POOR" PEOPLE BEING CRAPPED ON BY THE SYSTEM OR PORTIONS OF THE SYSTEM.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM TAKING A STAND THIS TIME, AND THOUGH I HAVE NO MONEY TO FIGHT ANY LEGAL BATTLES THAT MAY ARISE, I AM NOT GOING TO LET THEM GET AWAY WITH THIS ONE. 

I HAVE SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE JUST LETTING THINGS GO, AND STEPPING BACK WHEN "THE MAN" OR "THE SYSTEM" TAKE A DUMP ON ME...............WELL, NOT ANY MORE..........

(PLEASE VISIT ME IN JAIL, OK? LOL.  BRING FRIED CHICKEN AND POTATO DISHES, THEY ARE MY FAVORITE COMFORT FOODS)

DESPERATE TIMES REQUIRE DESPERATE MEASURES

OK, I CAN SIT BACK AND WHINE ABOUT NOT GETTING TO KEEP THE JOB........WHICH I ALREADY HAVE.......AND LAY IN BED AND CRY FOR THE NEXT WEEK, OR I CAN TRY TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY SITUATION........

AS I HAVE MENTIONED BEFORE IN HERE, I MAKE JEWELRY AND CROCHETED SCARVES, BLANKETS, ETC.  I AM NOT, NOR CLAIM TO BE, A PROFESSIONAL.  I JUST ENJOY DOING HANDWORK OF MOST KINDS, AS IT HELPS ME UNWIND AND DE-STRESS.

I HAVE A HOMEPAGE SET UP WITH SOME OF MY JEWELRY DESIGNS ON IT.....I HAVE MUCH MORE THAN WHAT IS DISPLAYED, BUT MY DIGI CAM IS NOT COOPERATING.  I AM GOING TO GO OUT ON A PROVERBIAL LIMB HERE, AND GIVE MY HOMEPAGE ADDRESS, HOPING YOU ALL WILL GO THERE, LOOK AND SEE IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO ORDER OR MAYBE YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE IN MIND YOU WOULD LIKE.  THE PRICES ON THE SITE ARE NOT CONCRETE.  THEY CAN BE NEGOTIATED. 

I HOPE THIS DOESN'T UPSET ANYONE OUT THERE THAT IS ALREADY ANGRY ABOUT THE AD BANNERS.  BUT SINCE I DON'T HAVE THAT JOB ANYMORE, I DON'T HAVE ANY WAY OF PAYING MY RENT OR BUYING ANYTHING FOR MY DAUGHTER FOR HER BIRTHDAY OR CHRISTMAS.  SO MAYBE THIS WILL HELP ME OUT SOME.

A SPECIAL THANKS TO ALL WHO VIEW THE PAGE, AND MAY YOU HAVE A BLESSED DAY.

MY JEWELRY SITE: 

http://hometown.aol.com/babyblueskye2002/

 

PLEASE EMAIL ME WITH ANY QUESTIONS, ORDERS, ETC. AT WUMZELS2@AOL.COM

DEAD END

ANGRY ISN'T EXACTLY THE WORD THAT COMES TO MIND, BUT I AM AFRAID THERE HASN'T BEEN A WORD YET THAT DESCRIBES WHAT I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW. 

AFTER ALMOST A MONTH OF GOING BACK AND FORTH IN EMAILS AND ON THE PHONE WITH THE "ITECH US, INC." AGENT, AND AFTER WORKING FOR AN ENTIRE DAY AT DDS IN CONYERS, GEORGIA, I AM TOLD THAT DDS DOES NOT WANT ME AS AN EMPLOYEE. 

THE AGENT CLAIMS IT IS DUE TO MY DRUG AND BACKGROUND SCREENINGS. 

FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T DO DRUGS, AND HAVEN'T DONE DRUGS SINCE THE BIG JOINT I TRIED TO SMOKE 32 YEARS AGO AND CHOKED ON THE FIRST PUFF.  I HAVE NO CRIMINAL BACKGROUND, NO TRAFFIC CITATIONS, IN FACT, I HAVE ONLY GOTTEN ONE TICKET IN MY 52 YEARS, AND IT WAS DISMISSED. 

I HAVE NEVER BEEN ARRESTED OR EVEN DETAINED FOR ANYTHING IN MY LIFE. 

THE CREDIT HISTORY PROBABLY WASN'T THE BEST, BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH GETTING A JOB?  IF YOU HAVE BAD CREDIT, WOULDN'T THAT MEAN YOU "NEED" THE JOB? 

THESE LETTERS ARE RED, BUT JUST NOT RED ENOUGH FOR ME.............THE BLOOD I SEE PULSING IN MY EYES RIGHT NOW IS MUCH REDDER...............I AM LIVID!!!! 

I GUESS NOW I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS AFTER ALL.  I ENJOY GIVING AT CHRISTMAS, AND NOW I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GIVE ANYONE ANYTHING. 

AND I HAVE TO GO BACK TO MY OLD JOB AND ASK FOR MY HOURS BACK...............

JUST TO LET ALL OF YOU KNOW...........DON'T DO BUSINESS WITH "ITECH US, INC.".  ESPECIALLY WITH AGENT VENKAT, WHO GETS REALLY UPSET WHEN YOU DON'T REACT THE WAY HE EXPECTS YOU TO.

OK, I AM GOING TO CRAWL BACK INTO MY HOLE AND PULL IN THE DIRT OVER MY HEAD...........UNLESS THEY CHARGE ME FOR THAT DIRT...........I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO AFFORD IT NOW.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

NEW JOB, NO JOB

WELL, I MAY NOT HAVE A NEW JOB NOW.  THE TEMP SERVICE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING FOR IS SAYING THEY MAY NOT PAY ME FOR THE DAY I WORKED, EVEN THOUGH THE AGENCY I WAS WORKING FOR WANTED ME TO STAY AND START TRAINING.  I LOST MONEY ON GAS THAT DAY IF I DON'T GET PAID.  I PUT IN A LOT OF TIME AND EFFORT AND AM IN THE SYSTEM AS A PART TIME TEMP. 

THE GOOD NEWS IS, I GOT TO SLEEP IN TODAY, SORTA.  I TOOK MY ROOMIE'S 5 YR OLD TO SCHOOL, THEN CAME BACK AND TRIED TO CALL MY NEW JOB TO TELL THEM I COULDN'T COME BACK TILL NEXT MONDAY, AND THEN TRIED TO FALL BACK TO SLEEP.  FINALLY, SLUMBER CAME TO ME.

SO, NOW I DON'T HAVE A JOB FOR THIS WEEK.........I GUESS I COULD CALL MY OLD JOB AND THE GENERAL MANAGER WOULD BE THRILLED TO HAVE ME WORK A FEW DAYS.  I MIGHT DO THAT.  I NEED THE MONEY.  I HAVEN'T SOLD ANY OF MY JEWELRY LATELY, NOR ANY OF THE SCARVES I CROCHETED.  (HINT HINT: IF ANYONE WANTS TO BUY SOMETHING, LET ME KNOW BY EMAIL, OK??)  RUH ROH, DOES THAT CONSTITUTE AS ADVERTISING?  SHOULD I PUT A FLASHING BANNER AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE????  OK OK, YA'LL STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME, LOL.

HOPE EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A GREAT DAY AND IS LOOKING FORWARD TO A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS SEASON.

NEW DATA ENTRY JOB

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MY BRAIN IS FRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  NO WONDER MOST PEOPLE WON'T HIRE OLDER PEOPLE..............THEIR BRAINS ARE MUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I STARTED MY NEW JOB TODAY..............AND I AM SO MENTALLY DRAINED.........I AM ENTERING DATA FROM ACTUAL TICKETS WRITTEN OUT IN THE FIELD BY OUR POLICE OFFICERS.  IT IS LIKE TRYING TO READ A DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION...........OR MAYBE EVEN WORSE..............

AND I NEVER REALIZED THERE WOULD BE SO MANY NUMBERS TO TYPE..........AND I NEVER LEARNED MY NUMBERS.........WELL, WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE KEYS.  SO I AM JUST ABOUT LOONEY TUNES...........(MICHAEL AND COLLEEN, STOP LAUGHING AND SAYING I WAS ALREADY THAT WAY, LOL)

I LEARNED ONE KIND OF FORM TODAY AND JUST ABOUT HAD IT DOWN PAT.  THEN WHEN I FINISHED THOSE, I GOT TO START ANOTHER STACK, AND THEY ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT. 

TO TOP IT OFF, IT WAS FOGGY AND DARK ON THE WAY OUT THERE THIS AM, AND THEN RAINY ON THE WAY HOME.  SO I WAS ALREADY TENSE WHEN I GOT THERE..............MY SHOULDERS HURT FROM TRYING TO DECIPHER THE WRITING AND FIND THE NUMBER KEYS..................

BUT I AM NOT COMPLAINING.........REALLY I AM NOT..........I WILL GET BETTER.  I HAVE 3 MONTHS TO REACH TOP SPEED (HAHAHAHA) AND IF I DON'T, THEN I HAVE TO QUIT THAT JOB.......

I HAD TO STOP AT MY OLD JOB ON THE WAY HOME BECAUSE THE NEW JOB IS SO FAR AWAY AND IT WAS RAINING, SO I HAD TO STOP AND TAKE A PIT STOP...............I KNEW THE BATHROOMS WERE CLEANER THAN MOST PUBLIC ONES.

NOW I AM HERE AT THE LIBRARY PRACTICING MY NUMBERS.......

1 2 3 4 5 ETC.....................................

ON A MORE SOMBRE NOTE.............

I THINK OF MYSELF AS A VERY LOVING AND COMPASSIONATE PERSON........ONE WHO DOES NOT HURT OTHERS INTENTIONALLY.  I HAVE A BEST FRIEND OF 30+ YEARS WHO LIVES NEAR ME, AND ACROSS THE STREET FROM HER IS AN OLDER WOMAN WHO I HAVE KNOWN FOR SEVERAL YEARS, WHO JUST LOST HER HUSBAND A MONTH OR SO AGO.  I THOUGHT SHE NEEDED SOMETHING TO MAKE HER LAUGH, SO I SENT BOTH OF THEM MY THANKSGIVING STORY..............AFTER ALL, LAUGHING AT ME SEEMS TO BE A NATIONAL PASSTIME...........HEE HEE...........

WELL, I JUST GOT AN EMAIL FROM THE OLDER LADY, TELLING ME I SENT HER THAT EMAIL JUST TO HURT HER.  THE LAST LINE DOES SAY "HUSBAND" IN IT, BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN SIGNIFICANT OTHER, MATE, FRIEND,  SON, DAUGHTER.................I JUST CHOSE THE WORD HUSBAND BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE OUT THERE CAN RELATE, SINCE THEY ARE MARRIED...........

SO..................THAT BEING SAID, I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ANYONE OUT THERE WHO READ MY THANKSGIVING STORY AND WAS HURT IN SOME WAY.  THAT WAS NOT MY INTENTION AT ALL.  I JUST KNEW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH BETTER IF MICHAEL HAD TAKEN ME OUT INSTEAD OF ME TRYING TO BURN ME AND THE HOUSE DOWN.  ANYONE WHO HAS LOST SOMEONE AND FELT I WAS IN SOME WAY TRYING TO RUB SALT IN THE WOUND, THAT WAS NOT WHAT I INTENDED.  SO, PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

AND TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE WHO HAVE LOST SOMEONE RECENTLY, AND THE HOLIDAYS SEEM BLEAK WITHOUT THEM, MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU................I LOST MY MOTHER 9 DAYS AFTER MY 19TH BIRTHDAY AND A DAY BEFORE HER 63 BIRTHDAY, AND I STILL SOMETIMES FEEL THE PAIN.  BUT LIFE DOES GO ON FOR THOSE OF US LEFT BEHIND...............AND SOMETIMES A LITTLE LAUGHTER AT SOMEONE ELSE MAKES THAT LIFE A LITTLE BRIGHTER..............

MAY ALL OF YOU BE BLESSED......................

 

MY BELOVED SLEEPS

i awaken, and look over in the faint light to see his hair laying gently across the pillow    

i see his chest, rising and falling with his gentle breathing    

 i want to touch his cheek, caress his brow, but dare not, so as not to waken him    

he is my prince, my knight, my soulmate    

he knows not my thoughts as i gaze at him in the soft light filtering through the window    

 he cannot feel the love i have for him as he sleeps, ever so sweetly    

it is enough just to watch him sleep, to know he is there, beside me    

light of day will bring it's own joys and pleasures, but for now...............    

i will watch him sleep, and love him all the while.................

RETAIL

i am glad today is over.......my feet hurt so badly (michael, that is your cue to rub my feet honey) and my eyes and head ache as well.  i am still angry over the way certain co-workers acted tonight. 

but there is one redeeming point..........my current full time job, working as a sales associate/cashier/dept. manager as of today became my part time job.  monday, hopefully, i start my new job as a data entry clerk for a local county court system.  almost double the pay per hour as my old job, and a full 40 hours a week, as opposed to 18-25 hours a week on the old job.

i will still be working weekends at the craft store, but i have to admit, i will not miss them during the week............

i have ranted about working retail before here in this journal.  dornbrau (as well as many other j-land readers) know what i am talking about.  there are the wild and destructive kids, the inconsiderate and rude adults, and the teenagers who are totally disrespectful.  it is time for me to have a dull quiet uneventful job.

i actually prayed for God to let me have a dull data entry job, so see, He does answer prayer, so be careful what you ask for.

i know i will probably have to start wearing a "wide load" sign on my behind from sitting 40 hours a week, but at least my feet won't hurt so badly.

i must admit, though, that i will miss most of my regular customers.  they usually make my days and nights much brighter and happier.  i told them all to come see me on the weekends, when i will still be there putting up with the public's garbage.

just a reminder to all of you out there in the world that have never worked retail...........treat the cashiers and sales people as you would like to be treated (unless you are a sadist) and remember they have to work long, hard hours, with little pay, and put up with alot of bullhockey from people.

 

THANKSGIVING EXCITEMENT

Once upon a time there was this lady, who thought having a nice oven roasted chicken with homemade mashed potatoes and fresh English peas would make for a tasty and simple thanksgiving dinner.  a nice treat for two without all the hassle.    

 

she began her meal by putting the chicken in the oven (which, by the way, is a gas appliance, this being important in this story) with lots of nice seasonings, and covering it with foil.    

 

after about an hour, she decided it was time to check on the chicken and start the rest of the meal.  she pulled the bird out of the oven, removed the foil, and voila, a beautifully roasted chicken. 

 

but since she liked her chicken more golden brown, she decided to put it back into the oven for a few more minutes, uncovered.     

 

as she started the descent from the stovetop to the oven rack, the bird chose to slide sideways, causing her to lose control of the pan, and suddenly all the succulent juices sloshed out onto the oven floor.........................    

 

of course, one's first impulse is to grab the bird.........which she did......but just as she leaned into the oven to do so, there was a loud whoosh and a huge fireball erupted from the oven......    

 

the smell of singed hair is not pleasant............    

 

after insuring the fire was out, and there was no immediate danger, the woman went to the bathroom to check the status of her face and hair...........the skin was fine, but there wasn't a single bit of facial fuzz on her face.........the hair on her forehead at the hairline, and the temples was gone and/or singed.  she also got a singed trim on the length of the sides.  her eyelashes were fused and there was a distinct singed odor coming from her nasal hairs.  but upon closer scrutiny in the mirror, the lady noticed her eyebrows were perfectly shaped....... something she had been unable to do on her own...........miracles never cease!!!!!!!!!!!!    

 

she stuck her now rancid singed head into the shower and tried to wash away the stench.  it didn't work...............      

so she returned to the kitchen to assess the damage.............and was greeted by a house full of smoke, at which she opened every door and window and turned on every fan in the house.  the smoke started swirling about her like misty fog from a horror movie.  the air was full of the smell of horribly burned chicken grease...........     she noticed she had not turned off the oven, but that the flame was out.  she tried to turn on the stovetop burners, but they refused to light.  she grabbed the grill lighter and attempted to light the pilot light............nothing............    

 

suddenly, panic struck.............there had to be gas leaking from the unlit pilots, and she had to do something quickly..............so she grabbed a flashlight and began her search for the main pilot.  nothing...............she tried to regroup her thoughts, but she couldn't, and panicked again, calling the only person she knew of that could stabilize her right now......... who just happened to not be with her at that moment.........fortunately, he answered his cell phone............    

 

he told her to first, calm down, then make sure the oven and stove were turned off, check for the smell of gas, and then call the gas company.................    

 

well, no one answers a phone at any company on thanksgiving day...........not even the gas leak emergency hotline.............they are too busy stuffing their face with a stuffed turkey.  but she finally reached them and they told her she would have to call a licensed plumber.........    

 

ok, this poor lady is already beside herself with panic, is singed and hairless, and is about to run out the door screaming..............and they tell her to call a plumber..........well, she lost it, becoming hysterical, laughing so hard she couldn't see for the tears...............    

 

after composing herself, she calls her beloved back and tells him the story...........he laughs too, but is more concerned that his lady may still be in danger...........so he starts offering suggestions on what to do about the pilot light.............    

 

after much discussion and no real solution, the lady decides to try turning on the stove again,and voila...........it lights............it was only wet with the chicken grease and juices and wouldn't light.............and, it has an electronic ignition, meaning it was safe all along..............    

 

i can only surmise that this poor lady would offer only one bit of advice after experiencing this unforgettable thanksgiving..................  

 

HAVE YOUR HUSBAND TAKE YOU OUT FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER! ! ! ! !  

NEW JOB

JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW.........I HAVE A NEW JOB.........DATA ENTRY, 5 DAYS A WEEK, MORE MOOOOOLAH PER HOUR.........YIPPEEEE!!  IT IS ONLY FOR A FEW MONTHS, BUT WHAT THE HEY...........IT IS MORE MONEY FOR MY FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

 

DEDICATION TO MICHAEL

my happiness..........  

 

his scent
floats to me on the slightest breeze  

 

his touch
reaches me deep within my dreams  

 

his voice 
echoes softly inside my head  

 

his eyes
hold my soul gently  

 

his lips
caress mine as time stands still  

 

his love
encompasses my entire being  

 

he is my happiness.........  

BEING HAPPY

JUST A FEW WORDS IN THIS ENTRY.........BUT THEY SAY IT ALL................................................

 

AIN'T LOVE GRAND?!

I LOVE YOU MICHAEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

HE MADE IT

JUST A NOTE TO LET ALL KNOW...........MICHAEL MADE IT TO GEORGIA ON TUESDAY.............WE HAVE DONE ALOT OF EATING, AND SOME SIGHTSEEING...............UNDERGROUND ATLANTA AND TURNER FIELD, AS WELL AS THE WORLD OF COKE ARE NEXT ON THE AGENDA.............WE ARE REALLY BUSY................WILL CATCH UP WITH YOU ALL LATER...............HAVE A BLESSED DAY....................

BRIDE OF THE WEEK

OMG, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!  

I WAS CHOSEN AS DAVID'S BRIDAL'S BRIDE OF THE WEEK..........

I GET BREAKFAST, A MARY KAY MAKEOVER AND WEDDING TIPS, AS WELL AS FAVORS FROM SOME OF THE LOCAL SPONSORS. 

IS THIS GREAT OR WHAT?!?!  NOW IF I COULD JUST WIN THAT WEDDING DRESS LOL.  MICHAEL SUBMITTED HIS ENTRY TOO, BUT I AM NOT SURE HE WILL LOOK ALL THAT GOOD IN A FLOWING WHITE GOWN LOL.  (MICHAEL, PUT THAT COMPUTER DOWN, DON'T YOU DARE THROW IT AT ME................MUAH).  

OF COURSE, THE BUTTERFLIES HAVE BEGUN, MOSTLY DUE TO THE STRESS OF WORKING AND PLANNING A WEDDING. 

BUT I AM LOOKING SO FORWARD TO TAKING THIS STEP..........AND SPENDING THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH A WONDERFUL MAN WHO TRULY LOVES ME. 

THANK YOU MICHAEL.  

YIPPEEEEEEE................BRIDE OF THE WEEK................WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LETTING YOU KNOW I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

Spend My Life With You

Eric Benet  

Never knew such a day could come

And I never knew such a love

Could be inside of one

And I never knew what my life was for

But now that you're here

I know for sure I never knew till I looked in your eyes

I was incomplete till the day you walked into my life

And I never knew that my heart could feel

So precious and pure

One love so real

Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes

Can I just feel your heart beating beside me Every night

Can we just feel this way together

Till the end of all time

Can I just spend my life with you

Now baby the days and the weeks

And the years will roll by

But nothing will change the love inside

Of you and I

And baby I'll never find any words

That could explain

Just how much my heart my life

My soul you've changed

Can you run to these open arms

When no one else understands

Can we tell God and the whole world

I'm your woman, and you're my man

Can't you just feel how much I love you

With one touch of my hand

Can I just spend my life with you

No touch has ever felt so wonderful

(You are incredible)

And a deeper love I've never known

(I'll never let you go)

I swear this love is true

(Now and forever to you to you)

Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes

Can I just feel your heart beating beside me

Every night

Can we just feel this way together

Till the end of all time

Can I just spend my life with you

Can you run to these open arms

When no one else understands

Can we tell God and the whole world

I'm your woman, and you're my man

Can't you just feel how much I love you

With one touch of my hand

Can I just spend my lifewith you

Can I just spend my life with you

Can I just spend my life with you

(Forever here with you)

Can I just spend my life with you

Can I just see you every morning when I

Open my eyes.

WOOOO HOOOOO I FOUND ONE

THANK THE GOOD LORD....................I FOUND A WEDDING DRESS..................IF I CAN GET MY FRIEND WHO IS A DESIGNER/SEAMSTRESS TO REDO IT TO LOOK THE WAY I WANT IT TO, I WILL BE SET.     IT IS MIDNIGHT BLUE VELVET, AND I WANT TO ADD BLACK LACE PUFFED SLEEVES AND TRAIN, AS WELL AS A BLACK LACE VEIL.  THE DRESS IS ALREADY GORGEOUS, AND WOULD MAKE A VERY PRETTY CHRISTMAS DRESS AS IS.  BUT IF MY FRIEND CAN WORK HER MAGIC ON IT, I WILL BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRIDE.............    

 

I AM TRULY EXCITED ABOUT MY UPCOMING MARRIAGE TO MY BELOVED MICHAEL, BUT I MUST ADMIT, THE BUTTERFLIES HAVE ALREADY BEGUN.................I THINK MOSTLY DUE TO THE FACT I AM HAVING TO DO MOST OF THE PLANNING OF THE WEDDING SINCE MICHAEL IS STILL STUCK OUT THERE IN VEGAS, WORKING WORKING WORKING, WHICH LEAVES THE FUN STUFF UP TO ME OUT HERE IN GEORGIA......................BUT I DON'T MIND.  MICHAEL IS VERY EASY GOING AND WOULD LIKE MOST ANYTHING I PLAN..............I HOPE.............(SMILE MICHAEL, LOL).     

 

 I HAVE FINALLY PURCHASED THE PAPERS WITH WHICH I WILL BE MAKING THE ANNOUNCEMENTS.  NOW I HAVE TO SIT DOWN AND FIGURE OUT THE BEST WAY TO MAKE THEM AND STILL HAVE THEM LOOK CLASSY.  SIGH.    

 

 MY DAUGHTER AGREED TO STAND UP WITH ME AS MY MAID OF HONOR, BUT REFUSES TO WEAR A BLACK DRESS..............GEEEEEE........... SHE IS ALMOST 20 AND STILL REBELLING........... KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!  SHE ASKED ME IF SHE COULD BRING HER NEW BOYFRIEND (WHOM I TRULY ADORE, AND WHO GETS ALONG VERY WELL WITH ME), AND I SAID YES.  THEN SHE ASKED WHAT SHOULD HE WEAR.......WELL, SINCE SHE IS PLANNING ON WEARING BLUE JEANS AND A T-SHIRT, I ASSUME HE WILL WEAR THE SAME...............I PREFER AT LEAST BLACK JEANS AND BLACK T-SHIRTS WHICH MY DAUGHTER ADAMANTLY SAYS NO TO, BUT AT LEAST MY DAUGHTER IS ATTENDING................    

 

I WAS ONLINE A FEW NIGHTS AGO, AND AN OLD ONLINE BOYFRIEND EMAILED ME ABOUT A NEW LOVE HE HAS, AND THEN HE IM'D ME.  DURING THE IM, HE ASKED IF HE AND HIS NEW LADY LOVE COULD ATTEND THE WEDDING, AND I TOLD HIM IT WOULD BE FINE.  I WANNA SEE THIS NEW LADY THAT TOOK THE THRONE I VACATED A LONG TIME AGO. (THANK GOODNESS I DID VACATE IT.)    

 

I AM NOT INVITING ANY OTHER GUESTS TO THE WEDDING DUE TO SEVERAL REASONS.  ONE, THE DISTANCE.  SAVANNAH IS NOT CLOSE TO ANY OF THOSE WHOM I WOULD WANT TO INVITE.  TWO, MANY OF THOSE WHO I WOULD INVITE WOULDN'T ATTEND A WEDDING IN A CEMETERY WITH THE BRIDE AND GROOM WEARING GOTHIC ATTIRE.  (I DO WISH TO POINT OUT HERE TO THOSE OF MY READERS OUT THERE THAT KNOW ME AS A CHRISTIAN.............I HAVE NOT SOLD MY SOUL TO THE DEVIL FOR MICHAEL'S LOVE.........I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED HALLOWEEN AND GOTHIC, VAMPIRIC THINGS AND SO DOES MICHAEL.  I AM STILL A WORSHIPPING CHRISTIAN AND DON'T PLAN ON CHANGING THAT FOR MICHAEL OR ANYONE ELSE.)  AND THE THIRD REASON IS MOST OF THE PEOPLE I WOULD INVITE WOULD ONLY ATTEND BECAUSE THEY WOULD BE CURIOUS, NOT GENUINELY INTERESTED IN MINE AND MICHAEL'S HAPPINESS.  THE FINAL REASON IS DUE TO THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE ALLOWED IN SPECIAL EVENTS GROUPS IN THE CEMETERY.  IF THERE ARE QUITE A FEW IN THE GROUP, THE CEMETERY WILL CHARGE.............AND RIGHT NOW IT IS FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

SO I HOPE I DON'T OFFEND ANYONE BY NOT INVITING THEM.  I WILL PUT A NICE ANNOUNCEMENT IN THE JOURNAL FOR ALL OF THOSE WHO ARE INTERESTED.     

 

I STILL NEED TO MAKE A NECKLACE FOR THE WEDDING AND FIND SOME SHOES.  I FOUND THE PERFECT PAIR OF BOOTS, BUT I COULDN'T AFFORD THEM.......EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE ON SALE FOR $65.  BUT THE SHIPPING FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM WOULD HAVE PUSHED THEM EVEN HIGHER.  THEY WERE ANKLE BOOTS WITH A SKULL BUCKLE ON THE SIDE............REALLY REALLY COOL.  MICHAEL OFFERED TO BUY THEM FOR ME, BUT HE NEEDS TO SAVE HIS MONEY FOR LATER.  SO THAT IS MY NEXT BIG VENTURE................AND I THINK I AM GOING TO THE JUNKMAN'S DAUGHTER IN LITTLE FIVE POINTS TO FIND THEM...............AND THE FINGERLESS MESH GLOVES I WILL NEED.    

 

WE WANT TO PLAN A RECEPTION BUT MIGHT HAVE TO DO SO LATER ON IN THE YEAR, OR MAYBE EVEN THE EARLY PART OF 2006.  MONEY WILL BE TIGHT UNTIL MICHAEL FINDS A GOOD JOB HERE.  MY JOB DOESN'T PAY ENOUGH TO PLAN ANYTHING.  I HAVE A FRIEND WHO IS A WILTON CAKE DECORATION INSTRUCTOR WHO WILL MAKE THE CAKE AND OTHER THINGS FOR THE RECEPTION, AT COST.  WE HAVE TO CUT CORNERS WHERE WE CAN.    

 

IF ANY OF MY READERS (WHICH SEEM TO HAVE DWINDLED TO ALMOST NONE SINCE I HAD TO PACK UP MY PUTER AND WASN'T ONLINE FOR AWHILE) HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ON A GOTHIC WEDDING OR RECEPTION, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.  ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME.    

 

OK,GUESS I BETTER GET BACK TO MY PLANNING..............GOTTA GET STARTED ON THAT NECKLACE FOR THE WEDDING..............IT IS GONNA TAKE SOME TIME SINCE I AM MAKING UP THE DESIGN MYSELF.    

 

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT DAY AND LIFE IS TREATING YOU WELL.                        

WEDDING DRESS

I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I CANNOT SEEM TO FIND THE PERFECT WEDDING DRESS.  OF COURSE, I HAVE STRANGE TASTES, SO I MIGHT NOT EVER FIND THE "PERFECT" DRESS.

 

I AM LOOKING FOR A BLACK OR BLACK AND PURPLE GOTHIC STYLE WEDDING DRESS, HOPEFULLY WITH LOTS OF LACE.  I WANT A FAIRLY LONG TRAIN AS WELL AS A BLACK LACE VEIL.  THE VEIL IS THE LEAST OF MY WORRIES, FOR I CAN MAKE MY OWN. 

 

I NEED A SIZE 16-18 AND DON'T HAVE ALOT OF MONEY TO SPEND.

 

SO, IF ANYONE OUT THERE IN JOURNAL LAND HAS ANY IDEAS, THEY WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.  PLEASE CONTACT ME AT THIS EMAIL ADDRESS.

 

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP..........................

EEYORE

i just had to say thank you to my beloved for the beautiful eeyore watch he sent me today, and the gorgeous angel pin with the sparkling wings and my birthstone. 

michael, you never cease to amaze me at your thoughtfulness.  i wish i was on my own computer so that i could put up pictures of both, but alas, i am not and cannot.  

michael, thanks again for the lovely gifts and your love.   hugs.........kisses..........always

AN ODE TO MY LOVE, MICHAEL

Amazed
By Lonestar, from the CD: Lonely Grill

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take

Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away

I've never been this close
To anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better

I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do,
Baby I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark

Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart

Oh it feels like the first time - every time
I wanna spend the whole night
In your eyes

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better

I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do,
Baby I'm amazed by you

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you!
It just keeps getting better!

I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do
(Every little thing that you do)
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

A REAL STORY OF LIFE AND LOVE PART TWO

Raven still didn’t know what to do about Eros. She still loved him, but knew they would never have a real life together. There had been too many broken promises, too many sleepless nights. She was no longer “in love” with him. Mark’s heart and soul must have sensed Raven’s dilemma for that very night he asked her to marry him over the phone. He apologized for not waiting until he was there in October to do it in person, but stated he was a very impatient person, and thought waiting for two years was long enough. Raven accepted immediately, knowing in her heart that she would almost destroy another man in doing so. Mark could not wait to announce to the world that he was to wed Raven, so Raven did not have the chance to speak to Eros beforehand. Thus Eros found out in a way that must have been devastating. Raven tried to talk to him online, explain what she had been experiencing emotionally, but he only stated he would never stop loving her, and would never move on. Raven felt so much compassion for this man she had spent almost five years knowing and loving, she spent the entire Easter weekend (three days) crying hysterically. Mark hated what this was doing to Raven, the woman he loved. Because Mark could not do anything about what was happening in Raven’s world except be emotionally supportive, he became angry with the source of the pain…. Eros. He wanted to somehow hurt this man who was causing his beloved Raven so much pain and anguish. He wanted to hurt him the way Raven was hurt.

Raven came through the three days of anguish as if it were a period of withdrawal from a narcotic. She felt drained, weak, tired and emotionless. But after a few days she felt much better, and knew her broken heart was on the mend. Mark saw her three days of pain and how she was beginning to mend. He realized he was wrong for wanting to hurt Eros. He tried on several occasions to compliment Eros on his literary accomplishments and to give him some encouragement, but his efforts were thwarted and misunderstood. Eros, who was fighting his own emotional pain, misunderstood and attacked Mark openly online. Mark, trying to defend his own honor, as well as his beloved Raven’s, struck back. Their “duel” brought to mind the days in which men drew pistols and walked 100 paces, then turned and fired at each other. Thank goodness today they are only word bullets, or one or even possibly two good men would be very dead.

Raven heard about what Mark and Eros had been doing and chastised Mark for being childish. Raven was both angered and saddened by the way both had acted. She no longer had any say about Eros’s behavior, but let Mark know that she was not pleased with his actions. Mark then promised Raven that he would never attempt any more contact with Eros or any of his “friends”.

Raven and Mark are currently working things out and planning their future together. Though Raven cannot speak directly for Mark, she is sure he agrees with her in that she wants only the best future for Eros and those involved in Eros’s life. Raven does still remember Eros as a kind, loving, passionate man and will always hold his memory dear. But she also wishes Eros would heal, physically and emotionally, and move on with his life………..find happiness again. Raven does not hold any grudges against any of the parties involved in her relationship with Eros and hopes that they do not either. And if they do, hopes and prays they will all find true happiness and move forward with their lives as well.

Well, I hope this little story will straighten some things out and hopefully a few out there enjoyed the story of love and broken hearts. The sad thing is…………..it is real.

May all who happen by my journal have a happy and fulfilling life and always remember….life is way too short to spend it in anger or grief.

My love to all of you out there in aol land.

Gayle Regina Watkins, a/k/a raygaen (the future MRS. MICHAEL S. PATRICIA)

 

 

A REAL STORY OF LIFE AND LOVE PART ONE

As I have been extremely busy planning a wedding, I haven't had much time for the world of AOL and all of its drama. I have much more important fish to fry. But it appears that the drama continues even in my absence. Instead of pointing fingers, placing blame and otherwise causing extreme chaos online, I am going to write a little story for my journal. If any of the characters appear familiar to anyone, then maybe they are. Being a literary person who loves to write gothic romance prose and poetry, I choose to do this in this manner rather than sit and name names and accuse. For those of you who are not involved in all this drama, sit back and enjoy a short story based on realism. For those who may feel this story is about them, study this closely and learn from any lessons there might be contained herein.

DUE TO THE LENGTH OF THIS STORY, I AM GOING TO DO TWO JOURNAL ENTRIES TO MAKE SURE IT IS COMPLETELY LEGIBLE

 

Once upon a time there was a woman we shall call Raven. She was lonely and had been for many years. She was a divorced mother of a teenager who was basically a good girl, but was becoming quite rebellious. Raven was unemployed and finding it difficult to find employment. She had purchased a computer for her daughter to use for school, so turned to that same device to find an occupation.

 

After many dismal days of searching, Raven turned to AOL chat rooms to find someone to talk to and share her problems with. It was on one of these searches in a Christian chat room that Raven encountered a gentleman we shall call Eros. Eros was a former man of the cloth who had some recent traumatic events and health concerns in his life. He, too, was lonely and in need of someone to whom he could relate his woes and share his days with online.

 

Raven and Eros became good friends. Raven found herself falling in love with this man, who, though rooted deeply in his spirituality, also had a very dark and mysterious side to his life. He had quite a charisma about him. Raven found herself falling deeper and deeper for him, and wanted more than he could offer at the time, So she kept her feelings to herself.

As time went by Raven and Eros became closer and began feeling a kinship that seemed to hold them together like a glue. They could not stand being apart online. Eros had moments of deep depression and sadness, and would often speak of “ending it”. Raven hurt badly when she heard this and finally, out of sheer desperation, told Eros of her feelings for him and emailed him her full name, address, and telephone number in hopes that he would try to contact her outside of their cyber world.

Eros finally crawled from the depths of his despair and professed his love for raven as well. Thus began a very long virtual relationship. Raven wanted more, so requested often that Eros allow her to have his address and phone number so that they might communicate more and become better acquainted. Eros gave Raven his address, and immediately raven wrote and mailed a letter to him filled with her confessions of love for him, and scented with her favorite perfume. But alas, the letter was returned two weeks later, marked “addressee unknown”. Eros could not explain this. But he in turn wrote a letter to Raven, included a poem he wrote, and mailed it to her. It bore no return address, but was postmarked in the city where Eros stated he lived. Raven treasured that letter so much, she framed the poem and kept it over her computer table so that she could think even more fondly of Eros as she communicated online with him.

Time passed and one evening as the two were talking online, Eros asked Raven to marry him. Though Raven felt it odd that he would prefer to do so online instead of over the phone lines or in person, she excitedly answered “yes” to his question. She was elated.

Shortly thereafter Eros began experiencing more and more health problems. As they tried to make plans for the future, Eros’s health worsened. Raven begged him to send for her and let her be with him by his side as he went through this ordeal. But Eros held firm and said “no” to her requests, stating it would be too trying for her. Raven also begged Eros to call her, let her hear his voice say “I love you Raven”, but he stated his fear of using the telephone prevented him from doing so.

Time moved forward, and Eros got worse. Then his health seemed to improve. At one point it was thought that he might even be cured of his illness. But then he would worsen again. He would often even disappear out of Raven’s life for periods of time, only to return months later professing how he had missed her and loved her.

Throughout the relationship between Eros and Raven, other women had attempted to gain Eros’s affections. There were rumorsof cyber affairs. There were threats made via email to Raven from these other women. One such woman even stated she was Eros’s wife, and wished raven would leave him alone. Eros often stated these women were crazy, and there was no truth to any of it.

Raven’s heart was heavy with many emotions. Here was a man she truly loved deep within her heart, but yet she could not hear his voice, feel his touch. She lived for words on a screen……..professions of love via emails and im’s. During this time Raven was informed that she was losing her home for nonpayment of the mortgage. With a sick feeling in her gut, she turned to Eros, who had professed to be very wealthy, asking for help to save her home; the only home she had to shelter herself and her daughter. It truly troubled her to have to turn to someone else for help, even the man she loved. He vowed he would help her, either by bringing the money to her in person or sending it by mail. She waited, in tears, for hours, days……….and nothing. No Eros, no help. She was then told on many occasions by Eros that she should just sell everything she had and pay her bills. This hurt her deeply, for most of her belongings had been her mother’s, and her mother had been deceased for many years.

Raven knew not what to do, but struggled on daily, trying to keep her head above water. But she lost her battle……and her home. She had to find another place to live and was able to secure a rental home nearby. But even that was difficult to hold onto due to her job situation. She got a roommate, but she wouldn’t pay her share of the rent, and once again, raven found herself homeless. Eros still could not find a way to help Raven. He told her all he could do was pray for her and her situation. Raven, who still loved this man through all the disappointments, accepted his prayers.

Raven found herself living in a run down motel, with drunks, druggies, prostitutes and johns frequently knocking at her door and ringing her phone all hours of the day and night. She was frightened and felt alone. She then was offered a basement apartment in another city and after moving there, found the rooms were filled with mold and mildew from rainwater damage, and she became seriously ill. She could not reach Eros other than on a computer, so lost contact with him for long periods of time. She would occasionally go to a library and email or im Eros to let him know she was alive….. Barely.

Eros and Raven’s “relationship” had existed for about five years. During October of the third year of this relationship, raven encountered a young man online whom we will call Mark. Mark intrigued Raven, so they struck up a platonic friendship online. Mark was easy to talk to, and would listen to raven’s ramblings for hours during the late night hours, occasionally offering suggestions, but always offering support. He was Raven’s emotional salvation. He was a true friend, someone who accepted her as she was, and was there for her when she needed a shoulder. And most importantly, he gave her a telephone number for her to reach him in times she wanted to talk one on one. That first Christmas he called her to wish her a merry Christmas, which made Raven feel special.

After Raven lost her home and had to move to the motel, the roommate failed to pay her share there too, and Raven was venting to Mark on the phone about her situation, and Mark wired Raven enough money to keep the room. He didn’t even hesitate, though he was not a rich man, or even a man of means. He had a meager job that paid well, but work was only available 1-2 weekends a month. The fact that he shared what he did have with her to help her out and never asked for repayment made Raven feel like she was loved and that someone truly cared about her.

Raven had begun feeling differently about her relationship with Mark. Which also made her take time to think about her relationship with Eros. Eros had been making her promises for almost five years, and none of them had come to fruition. Mark was always there for Raven, no matter what the emotion or situation. After lots of prayer, thought, tears and hours of sleeplessness, Raven realized she was in love with Mark. The one person she had “used” to vent on had been there for her throughout it all. He was the wind beneath her wings. But did he feel the same about her? As if his heart heard hers, Mark confessed to Raven that very evening on the phone that he loved her and had since first meeting her online almost two years ago.

(CONTINUED IN NEXT ENTRY)