i have sat and stared at this screen for quite awhile, not knowing how to start. so i am just going to jump in head first and then sort and edit as i go.................
I NEED MY READERS' HELP!!!
something occurred this morning that has me so angry......so upset......LIVID!!!! i am going to tell you the story of what happened, then i want each and every one of you that read this to leave me a comment as to what YOU would do, and how YOU would feel. there is no right or wrong response. i just want YOUR TRUE FEELINGS ON THIS MATTER..............
the story:
on fridays and saturdays i have to be at my second job between 8:45 am and 9 am. i never like to be late and have not been since i started this job back in november. but i also love to sleep in as long as possible, especially now that it is colder. so i set my alarm about 15 minutes earlier than i plan on getting up so that i can snooze another 15 minutes before slithering from under my warm covers. i have a set schedule every day i work. first, the 15 minutes snooze routine, then up, bathroom, feed the cat, go into the kitchen to fix something to eat, sit and eat, and watch tv while doing so, then wait a few minutes before brushing my teeth, taking my shower and getting dressed.
all of the above takes me 25-30 minutes. that is, if everything goes smoothly. i don't like fixing a big breakfast when i have to get to work early. i would rather snooze. so i usually grab something simple, like pop tarts, granola bars, toast.....well, i had studied the fridge the night before and realized there was little to be had in the way of breakfast other than 2 "large" kroger eggs (if that is large, i would hate to see small). i had already decided i would scramble some hamburger and eggs together. i love the flavor combination, so left the hamburger out to thaw overnight.
as i opened my bedroom door to a dusky hall, barely lit by the misty, rainy morning, i noticed something that appeared to be floating midair at the top of my stairs, which is the landing outside my bedroom. it was white and looked like a piece of paper. now i live upstairs in a 2 story victorian. my housemate has the right half of the downstairs and the rest of the downstairs is common area to be used by us both. someone would have had to climb the 21 steps up to my landing and place the paper there. i noticed as i approached the white apparition that it was a note taped to my ceiling light pull cord angel. i removed the note, walked to the kitchen, turned on the light and read the note. it was from my housemate, who lives DOWNSTAIRS.
let me note here that my feelings are, from the bottom step up to the second floor is all MY apartment. if someone passes the first step without my permission, they are trespassing. but i don't mind someone leaving me a note upstairs if it is important, or an emergency.
as i read the note i grew angrier and angrier. she first informed me that she intended to keep the scarf i made that she had taken to show to someone, and would pay me for it on this coming friday. ok.....then....she said she hoped i didn't mind, but she borrowed 2 eggs from my fridge. she didn't knock and ask because she didn't want to awaken me. i opened the fridge and voila........NO EGGS!!! there IS a container of eggs on the bottom shelf, but they are no longer edible. i sometimes will scramble one up for the kitties, but decided they didn't need to eat them either, so i just hadn't thrown them out yet. she figured since there were 8 eggs in that container, she could have the 2 in the other container. MY BREAKFAST!!! i wanted to go down right then and scream at her but i was toooooo angry.
i found one packet of oatmeal in my pantry that i didn't know i had and fixed it for my breakfast. it was much better for me than the eggs and hamburger meat, but it WASN'T WHAT I WANTED!!!
now, this is where you folks come into play...........
1) am i wrong for being angry?
2) should i demand my eggs be replaced immediately (she "borrowed" 2 once before and have never been replaced)
3) if i don't do #2 above, what course of action should i take?
now, a footnote to this...........when i came home from work today around 6:30 pm, my housemate and her grandson came out of her apartment and asked me if i wanted a purse someone gave her for Christmas that she didn't want. then, when she saw my face, she asked me if i was mad at her for taking the eggs. i told her they were to be my breakfast, but said nothing else in response to the question. then i told her that i had had a bad few days, crying alot over the loss of 2 friends, told her i didn't feel like talking to anyone, thanked her for the purse and went upstairs to my bedroom.
i don't know what i am more upset over, the eggs or the uninvited invasion. just because there is a large landing at the top of my stairs that separates my bedroom and the kitchen doesn't mean it is public property. that is MY SPACE, that i can proudly say the rent is current on.
ok, now that i have written a novel that no one wishes to read, i need your honest advice and suggestions, as well as your opinion on the matter.
please don't hold back...........she has no internet connection nor does she have a clue how to access journals if she did.
HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
9 comments:
my first thought was .. if she likes notes
how about .. no one past this point with out permission
and my fridge is not paid for by you please do not enter my section and take my breakfast
me i would not take the purse though
i think that shows her she is forgiven
for crossing boundries
she would not like you doing that
i think a nice reminder
you don't go through her fridge and take things
as well as you don't go through her section of the house
wiht out her saying so is nessary to say to her
just a thought
i would not keep letting her do this
I think the main issue is the invasion of you privacy both in the physical sense of her upstairs, and in the moral sense of eating your food without asking you. I wouldn't ask her to replace the eggs...that's petty. You need to deal with the main issue of respecting boundaries. The two of you are not family, you are only "friends" based on your proximity to each other and living arrangements. That does not give her the right to make your property hers whether it be the eggs or the scarf.
Greg
It's a HUGE invasion of privacy and she doesn't seem aware that she's just a little too familiar and that you wouldn't be 'friendly' were you not in the same home together. NEW HOUSE RULES. Write them down. I don't know if you can keep a small apt. size fridge in your room with some things or not, nor should you have to. It would be nice though. She need not share your food at all, EVER. Write down your boundaries and be alot less social with her for it gives mixed signals. Rope off your area if you have to. This could be grounds for a civil action if it keeps up. I'm so very sorry you have to go through this mess.
Anyway, that's what I would do, have a confrontation with her, show her new house rules, make her sign it and date it.
Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/PrayingandBelieving/
I take it there is no way to lock your area. Don't think I would like that. This is something that could go on in the small town I grew up in, in the 50's. Neighbors borrowed or used the phone but there were no locked doors. I think she did wrong. Paula
Personally I would try the groen up approach first. I'd try to explain the reason I was upset and I'd ask her not to do it again - any of it. If that didn't do the trick, maybe a set of house rules would help. Write them up and tie them to her light cord. ;O)
I hope you manage to sort it all out amicably.
B. x
Well this is a hard one. people should NEVER invade ones own space...sharing an appartment woudl be hard I think. I would think that there are a few house rules ? if not well I wouldn't get myself in to much of a state. I dosn't do you any good, and it sure doesn't help the situation. She, I presume believes that friends shouldn't mind sharing things, I wondner what she would do in a similar situation ?
Now what should you do about it...Me I would say as you have doen that your eggs were meant for your breakfast and perhaps joke about how you had to go without and also in that same joking way say you don't want that happening again...see the response...ahe may well feel bery guilty, and what's worse than that..Then take preventive measures to stop it happening again....How did she get into your appartment? don't you have a lock on any of the doors? could you perhaps find a way to lock the door ? failing that you can buy locks over here for fridges if all eles fails maybe you could try that . All in all friendship is precious and as I try to live by the motto LOVE ONE ANOTHER....there isn't much more I can say Much Love Sybil xx
Regina,
I've spent years in shared accommodation and my pet hate was and is people who borrow without asking, leaving you short. You're entitled to be angry, but the best way to go about it is to remember that you'll more likely to catch flies with honey rather than vinegar. In other words, tell the other person nicely how you feel. And that you aren't happy.
I would give the purse back, as I agree with another commenter, I can see her calling it even for the scarf or eggs and it's neither. She apparently feels a little too familiar with you, or she wouldn't cross the lines she is. Your rent pays for the landing and stairs, having said that she is trespassing. I don't blame you for being angry, your working to pay for your own food and home. You don't need someone taking advantage of you. Tell her politely you will no longer loan her anything and she is not to ask , nor take it upon herself to take it. If she does so again you will file a formal complaint with the landlord. Hopefully this will put her in her place and avoid another borrowing without you knowing. Wishing you a wonderful, loving New Years all the year through. (Hugs) Indigo
Wow, I would be livid, totally livid, but I just read Guido's comment and think he is most times right on the money. I would try and be nice about it at first but firm. I also agree with Indigo. That purse would go straight back. The house is really pretty. I don't have any suggestions on locks and such but she is definitely trespassing and invading your space. HUGS Chris
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