RAY OF SUNSHINE

  ever have one of those days where everything you did went wrong?    you drip the barbeque sauce on the front of your shirt right before going to work?    you get to work and have an upset stomach and can't seem to get far from the bathroom for long, so you plan on leaving work to go home sick, only to find out there are only four of you working tonight, and you can't go home?    you have so many customers that you can't leave to go on your break till almost time to leave work?    your feet hurt,   your sinus meds gave up along time ago, and you have no more,   and every single customer you have thinks you owe them something....... sheesh.    well, thus was my day.    just as i was at the breaking point, the phone rings and i hear my name over the loud speaker that i have a phone call.  i come to the front to answer the call thinking it is probably my boss wanting me to come in to work on one of my off days, but the front end supervisor tells me it is "a boy".  hmmmmmmmm, a boy??  i pick up the phone to hear the sweetest voice tell me "i love you my little sweet peach!"    so i just had to share this moment with you all...........and thank you michael for calling me when i needed to hear some encouragement the most.  very well timed indeed, michael.    i love you!

WITHOUT YOU

  MICHAEL SENT ME THESE WORDS..........STATING THIS IS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME.........WANTED TO SHARE THEM WITH MY AOL JOURNAL FRIENDS..............ENJOY  

MOTLEY CRUE'S "WITHOUT YOU"        

WITHOUT YOU, THERE'S NO CHANGE

MY NIGHTS AND DAYS ARE GREY

IF I REACHED OUT AND TOUCHED THE RAIN

IT JUST WOULDN'T FEEL THE SAME    

WITHOUT YOU, I'D BE LOST

I'D SLIP DOWN FROM THE TOP

I'D SLIDE DOWN SO LOW GIRL

YOU'D NEVER KNOW, NEVER KNOW.....    

WITHOUT YOU, WITHOUT YOU

A SAILOR LOST AT SEA

WITHOUT YOU, WOMAN

THE WORLD COMES DOWN ON ME    

WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE

I'D SLOWLY WILT AND DIE

BUT WITH YOU BY MY SIDE

YOU'RE THE REASON I'M ALIVE    

BUT WITHOUT YOU, WITHOUT YOU.....    

WITHOUT YOU, MY HOPE IS SMALL

YOU LET ME BE ME ALL ALONG

YOU LET THE FIRES RAGE INSIDE

KNOWING SOMEDAY I'D GROW STRONG    

WITHOUT YOU, WITHOUT YOU

A SAILOR LOST AT SEA

WITHOUT YOU, WOMAN

THE WORLD COMES DOWN ON ME    

WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE

I'D SLOWLY WILT AND DIE

BUT WITH YOU BY MY SIDE

YOU'RE THE REASON I'M ALIVE    

BUT WITHOUT YOU, WITHOUT YOU...    

I COULD FACE A MOUNTAIN

BUT I COULD NEVER CLIMB ALONE

I COULD START ANOTHER DAY

BUT HOW MANY, I JUST DON'T KNOW    

YOU'RE THE REASON THE SUN SHINES DOWN

AND THE NIGHTS, THEY DON'T GROW COLD

ONLY YOU WILL I HOLD WHEN I'M YOUNG

ONLY YOU....AS WE GROW OLD    

WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE

I'D SLOWLY WILT AND DIE

BUT WITH YOU BY MY SIDE

YOU'RE THE REASON I'M ALIVE

BUT WITH YOU IN MY LIFE

YOU'RE THE REASON I'M ALIVE    

BUT WITHOUT YOU, WITHOUT YOU......................      

A POEM

i sat for hours, lost in the darkness    

while sleep evaded, kept its distance

love was what i sought, but found it not

or so i thought  

 

betrothed to one, loved by another

lost in love's cloudy deceit

while true love lay just before me

waiting for me to open to it  

 

why do we turn a blind eye and deaf ear

why do we not see the truth before us

like a bright shining sun as we cleave to the darkness,

hoping to see yet we do not  

 

but once my soul's eyes were turned

turned away from the light

i found what i had sought all along

waiting for me, praying i would reach out

and see the truth  

 

true love is not always so obvious

sometimes we are meant to be blinded to it

so that when it is found, it is forever

such is this love..............  

 

 

(FOR MICHAEL)

THE ANT

THOUGH MY LIFE IS STILL A DAY-TO-DAY STRUGGLE, I AM BEGINNING TO SEE SOME LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. 

I CURRENTLY RENT A ROOM FROM A DIVORCED WOMAN WITH THREE CHILDREN.  LIVING IN ONE ROOM WITH THREE CATS IS A NOVEL ALL BY ITSELF, LOL. 

I AM STILL WORKING IN THE RETAIL BUSINESS, LONG HOURS BUT FEW DAYS, AND NO PAY INCREASE.  MAKES IT HARD TO SAVE MONEY.  

WHEN TIMES GET REALLY TOUGH, I KNOW GOD IS THERE HOLDING ME UP.  HE IS MY REFUGE. 

MY EARTHLY INSPIRATION COMES FROM MICHAEL, WHO NEVER GIVES UP ON ME, EVEN WHEN I FEEL THERE IS NO HOPE, AND WHO WON'T LET ME GIVE UP.  WITHOUT GOD AS MY GUIDING STAR, AND MICHAEL AS THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS, I WOULD NOT BE HERE TODAY.  I WOULD HAVE GIVEN UP LONG AGO.  I PRAISE GOD DAILY FOR HIS DIRECTION AND HIS SON, JESUS, AND THANK HIM FOR SENDING MICHAEL INTO MY LIFE TO KEEP MY CHIN AND MY SPIRITS UP. 

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YOU OUT THERE THAT HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR ME.  PRAYER DOES WORK...............  

IN HONOR OF MICHAEL, I PRINT THE SONG HE SINGS TO ME WHEN I AM DOWN AND OUT AND THINK I CANNOT GO ON............................  

Next time you're found with your chin on the ground 
There's a lot to be learned so look around
Just what makes that little ol' ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes... he's got high hopes

He's got high apple pie in the sky hopes

So any time you're getting low

'Stead of letting go,

Just remember that ant.

Oops there goes another rubber tree plant.
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant.
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant.

JUST LETTING YOU KNOW

JUST A NOTE TO LET ALL OF YOU OUT THERE THAT KNOW ME THAT I AM STILL ALIVE, SOMETIMES BARELY, BUT MIRACULOUSLY ALIVE.  I AM USING A COMPUTER AT THE LIBRARY SO WILL BE BRIEF, BUT WANTED TO TELL EVERYONE OUT THERE MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR.  ALOT HAS HAPPENED SINCE I HAVE LEFT THE COMPUTER......HOMELESSNESS, PNEUMONIA, AND MANY OTHER ATROCITIES, BUT GOD HAS PULLED ME THROUGH AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE MY EVER PRESENT GUARDIAN.  AARON, I MISS YOU AND HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL.  COLLEEN, THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN AND I HOPE YOU WERE ABLE TO FIND A ROOMMATE.  AND MICHAEL, THANK YOU FOR BEING MY DAILY INSPIRATION AND KEEPING ME AFLOAT WHEN I KEEP SINKING.  TO ALL OF YOU, NEVER GIVE UP HOPE WHEN THINGS LOOK REALLY BAD.  I HAVE ALMOST GIVEN UP MANY TIMES IN THE PAST MONTHS, BUT WITH MICHAEL'S CONSTANT NUDGING AND REMINDING ME THAT I CAN'T GIVE UP AND THAT I AM WORTH SOMETHING IN THIS WORLD, I KEPT TRUDGING FORWARD, AND AM GLAD I DID.  I AM NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET, AND AM CURRENTLY PRAYING FOR A PLACE TO LIVE WHERE I WILL FEEL SAFE AND SECURE.  I COVET YOUR PRAYERS AS WELL.  ANYONE WISHING TO SEND ME A MESSAGE VIA EMAIL, PLEASE DON'T, FOR I CANNOT ACCESS THE NET VERY OFTEN AND THE EMAILS WILL BE GONE BY THE TIME I DO GET TO READ THEM.  ONCE AGAIN, I WANT TO WISH ALL OF YOU A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR.

LOVE TO ALL, JUST LITTLE OLE ME.........REGINA

OBITUARY

                             

alas, poor regina, we all knew her well.  it is assumed that she passed on to the nether world last week on friday the 13th..   

it was said that loud noises were heard coming from her abode.......then the lights went out, and silence ensued.  when police arrived, there were no traces of regina anywhere. 

it was first thought that regina had had enough of the roommate from hell, and had taken matters into her own hands.  but there were no traces of the roommate in the home either.  no blood was found at the scene, but they still have not ruled out murder.    

regina is survived by her daughter, and two cats, who some say have gotten very, very fat of late.  the cats have gone to live with the daughter.   

having found no body, there will only be a memorial service in honor of our friend regina. 

it has been said that invitations to the memorial were sent out today, one of which was sent to the poor deceased's ex landlord, who recently evicted her from his premises.  all hope he will attend the event.   

black roses have been requested for the memorial, as well as everyone is to wear their favorite halloween costume.   

if you wish to donate money in regina's memory,  do so to the cat's "lifestyle fund" at CATSFIELD FIRST BANK.  

                           

EVICTION

                             

this is to all those out there that know me, or have read my journal.........  

i will not be online much, if any, over the next few days.  i have fought hard to pay my bills, but seems i never can catch up.  i received my eviction notice today from the sheriff's dept.  i have till tuesday, at 1:00 pm to get out.  i called and begged the landlord but to no avail.   

my health is not the greatest, and i have been having headaches, a stomachache, and heart palpitations since i got the eviction notice.  i have rushed around the house like a crazy person, trying to pack stuff, throw out stuff, and overall just not think about the situation. 

but i am at a point now i have to sit down and rest a minute.  that is when the tears start. 

life sometimes seems so unfair.  i guess the failures in my life are somewhat my fault. 

either way, i need the prayers of those of you who pray.  and the good thoughts of those of you who don't pray.   

i will miss all of you if i am not able to get back on aol.  please know that i enjoyed calling most of you friend, and that i enjoyed your journals, and your comments in mine.  

i must get offline so that i can drive around town and try to find a house for rent somewhere.  i had to wait till i calmed down some before getting behind the wheel of the car.   

everyone out there have a great weekend.................