TREAT ME WITH RESPECT......I AM HUMAN

                                  

i have been reading alot of journals of late, just a snippet here & an entry there........but in several journals i found mention made of the welfare system, & how those who are in the system are treated by the system, & the general public.  this is a very sore subject with me, so bear with me, & hopefully i will edit & re-edit this so that it does not come through as the rantings of a madwoman.......  

                              

in december of 1985, i gave birth to my daughter.  though not really ready for the job of parenthood, my husband & i started on the journey together.  he told me i could quit my job of 13 years, one that had i kept, would have put me in a great financial position now, only a mere 5 years from a possible retirement.  but i chose to quit, because driving to atlanta an hour & a half both ways in bumper to bumper traffic didn't appeal to me, while my baby grew up under the care of someone else.  my mother was deceased, my father & i were estranged, & i was an only child, thus i did not have any support system on my side of the family.  my husband had estranged himself from his parents & sister by being shiftless & disrespectful over the years.  so there was little support on his side of the family.  so here we were, me 31, my husband 32, raising our first child. 

my husband had always been a medical experiment....... meaning he had been having this surgery & that surgery, this condition, that condition, all his life.  he was even asked by the army not to reinlist due to the numerous health problems & injuries he had or sustained while in boot camp & his tour of germany.  so he stayed home most of our daughter's first year along with me.  we lived off his army disability.  well, we barely survived off his army disability.  my husband finally got work as an undertaker's assistant.  then went to mortuary school on the GI bill.  he didn't finish, though, again, due to health problems (mostly imagined, i later learned).  he ended up just being an undertaker's assistant for another year.  then for some odd reason, he decided to get his CDL (truck driving license), & drive a cross country truck for an independent trucker.  this is when it all started falling apart.  my husband started cheating on me,  & naive me never noticed it.  i was busy trying to raise our daughter.  he then changed jobs again, going back to the undertaking business. 

                        

then one day, i came home from grocery shopping, & there was a note for me, saying he had left me, & our daughter, for another woman.  this was february of 1989.  here i was with a 3 yr old daughter, no job, no money, no food, no support system.  i wasn't a member of a church, mainly due to the fact my husband was an agnostic, & i allowed him to convince me to stay home from church.   needless to say, i panicked.  i applied for 387 jobs in 4 months (yep, you read it right).  i got called back for one interview.... and didn't get the job.  so i signed up with a local model & talent agency & they started sending me on jobs as an extra in films & commercials shot locally.  my daughter, aged 3, was also in several movies, one of which was a movie with john lithgow (he is truly a nice person).  the money wasn't enough to pay the bills, but enough to eat on, & buy me gas to get to & from job sites to put in applications.   

                                         

this is where the welfare system comes into play.  there was little assistance back then for single moms out looking for work.  today there are programs out the wazoo, to help single parents to become educated, & find jobs to become active and productive members of society.  but back then, when you got "on welfare" you were trapped in the system.  i applied for food stamps, & for monthly monetary assistance.  in the midst of this, my estranged husband contacts me & tells me he wants a divorce, for he has already moved in with a woman he had a son with BEFORE we separated, & they now want to marry since the boy is one year old.  the welfare system had no clue as to how to help me with  my divorce, didn't even have any phone numbers to assist me with.  i eventually contacted united way, who put me in contact with the jewish league, who put me in contact with an independent attorney who did some pro bono work, & happened to be an ordained pentecostal minister to boot.  his office was 110 miles from me & the courthouse where we had to go, but he made three trips to meet with me, & two trips to the courthouse, all pro bono, & helped me get a fair divorce, as well as the proper amount of child support.  due to my terrible memory of certain things, i don't remember the man's name, but i praise God for him.   my ex paid child support for 4 months, at $350.00 a month, only because his wages were garnisheed.  then he either quit or lost his job as an undertaker's assistant, & the child support stopped.  and when i attempted to put a fire under child support recovery, they sided with my ex, saying he was a poor disabled vet who had a new family he was trying to support on his meager military disability & retirement pay.  haha, ok, i was living (or surviving) on $275.00 a month welfare assistance, & $220.00 in food stamps per month, & my ex was drawing $490.00 in disability military pay, as well as another $450.00 in retirement pay.  his new wife had been left a pension by her now deceased husband, & was bringing in $1800.00 a month for her & her one son still living at home, aged 16.  plus....... my ex, though "disabled" was working a full time job as a car courier, someone who drives a van full of men &/or women to various locations to pick up rental cars that have been dropped off by the renter.  he was not only receiving at least $500.00 cash under the table a week to do this, but was being supplied with a van he was converting into a handicapped van for himself.  does anyone else see the absurdity in this whole scenario???  

ok, i have rambled on enough about the ex.  when i first got food stamps, they came in booklets, like checks, & were in denominations......tens, twenties, fives, ones.  you could only get certain types of foods, & of course, no alcoholic beverages (i don't drink) & no cigarettes (i never have smoked).  but you also don't get toilet paper, paper towels, shampoo, & other necessities that are non food items.  the small check i got from welfare was supposed to pay all my bills & help me acquire these necessities.  hahaha.  yeah, right.  though my house note was only $350.00 a month, i still couldn't pay it.   back to the food stamps.....when i was in line at the grocery store, i would pull out my food stamp booklets, & start tearing out the proper denominations to pay for my food.  that is when the whispering began.  as well as the out loud comments.  "oh great, she has food stamps, we will be here all day".  "did you see that big steak she had in her groceries?  here we are having to buy hamburger, & she is buying steak......with food stamps, i never!" or "can't you send welfare people to another line, just for them, so we people who pay our own bills don't have to wait?".  believe me, i heard every loud statement, & every whisper.  as my daughter grew older, & could understand things better, she would often ask me why people were so mean.  it broke my heart.  she never asked to be on welfare.  of course, i didn't want to be either.  but i didn't have a choice, & was basically glad there was something to fall back on in hard times.    being on welfare also meant that if you had a child or children you could be on medicaid.  free medical care, & my daughter's pediatrician, one of the best pediatric groups in the state, accepted medicaid patients, so i knew i was getting good care for her.  my own doctor accepted medicaid too, so again, i knew i was getting excellent care even though the state was paying for it.   but now pharmicists were something else altogether.  the pharmacy i frequented as a regular paying customer also accepted medicaid.  so i continued to get mine & my daughter's medications filled there.  shortly after i started on medicaid, one of the newer pharmicists & i had a little, um, skirmish.  let me preface this by saying i am a well educated woman. i placed second out of the top 10 seniors in my high school.  i am also someone with at least a modicum of class.  i carry myself well, dress appropriately, not trashy, or like i am living in an alley.  so, when i went to this pharmacy to pick up the prescription my daughter's pediatrician had called in the day before, i was dressed nice, clean, & had a demeaner of class.  i waited my turn, like everyone else, & when i was never called, yet others who came long after me to drop off their prescriptions were serviced & had left, i approached the counter.  the pharmacy assistant told me that she didn't see a filled prescription for my daughter, but would ask the pharmicist.  he said something rather gruff to the assistant, & she came back to inform me that the pharmacist said the doctor hadn't called it in yet.   i knew this to not be true.  i had called the pharmacy earlier in the day & someone had told me they had the order, but it wasn't filled yet, but should be filled by that afternoon.   i insisted on speaking with this pharmacist.  he glared at me over the counter, & said, "yes, what do you want?"  i told him i was attempting to pick up a prescription that was called in the day before, & was told it wasn't called in yet.  he looked at his records, & said, "they just have called it in!"  i told him no, it was called in much earlier.  he muttered something about "medicaid" & i asked him what he said.  he then decided he didn't care who heard him, & said "we don't fill medicaid patients' prescriptions before paying customers.  you will just have to wait".    ok, now when they say anger will make you see red, they really are not kidding.  i don't think i have ever been so publicly angry, & humiliated, since there were about 20 people in the waiting area, & all heard him.  the blood rushed to my head, & i assume my eyeball vessels filled up, because i actually saw red.  i had my daughter with me, then age 4-1/2, & i tried very hard not to use the words i shouldn't have.  but i told him that first of all, my child's health was just as important as any other child's, & that her prescription better be filled immediately, or i was calling someone in authority (not having a clue who that would be).  then the muttering among the waiting customers started.  i heard mostly mutterings about me being trash, & that i should have to wait.  but there were a few there that i assume were also on medicaid, & one little old woman who was on medicare, & she walked up to me, put her arm around me, & said "don't let him get to you, just stand your ground, for i had to when i first came in".  the pharmacist proceeded to tell the assistant to fill my prescription for me, while he was muttering something about "trash" under his breath.  i was livid, but was trying not to show it in front of my child.   when you are on medicaid, & get a prescription filled, you have to sign a form, so that the state can keep up with it all.  it was on a clipboard, & had spaces for about 50 names & signatures per page.  when i approached the window to sign the clipboard, & get the filled prescription, the pharmacist literally THREW the clipboard at me & said "sign this!".  i jumped back after it hit me, & let it hit the floor.  i glared at him through the window, wondering if it was bullet proof glass.  i don't think it would have mattered, if i had let myself give in to my anger.   i picked it up, threw it back through the window, hitting him in the, um, lower region, & demanded he hand it to me like a human being.  he thrust it back at me, but didn't let go of it.  i signed, & turned to the crowd of customers, & told them that i hoped they never treated anyone like that, nor was ever treated like that.  i turned, & left with my child.   my daughter started crying as we went out the door, & when in the car, asked why was that man mean to me.  of course, i couldn't answer her.  i don't know why some people are like that.   but i do know that i called the pharmacy the next day, & everyone else i could think of to have this man removed & have his license pulled.  a week later, he was gone.  i heard through the grapevine he lost his license in georgia as well, & moved to another state.  i guess where he could still fill prescriptions & be mean to medicaid recipients.   

today things are a bit different, mainly because more & more people are having to go on some sort of assistance.  food stamps come in the form of a card now.  looks more like a credit card, or a debit card, so people behind you may or may not know it is an EBT card.  i spent 9 years in the system.  i am not proud of the fact i depended on the tax dollars of john q. public to support my daughter & i, but i also know that my 13 years of paying taxes helped pay some of my assistance.  but being caught up in the system doesn't make you a bad person.  it doesn't mean you are trailer trash, or gutter scum (some of the terms i heard in those 9 years).  it means you are having problems, & need compassion, & someone to help you out.   

granted, there are millions of people out there scamming the system.  taking money from the system that could go to a deserving family.  now those people to me are definitely scum & trash.   but to all you honest people out there that have had to or will have to take a hand out (which i like to call a hand up), don't let others make you feel bad, unworthy, or trashy.  you are one of God's own, & you have the right to have a quality life, & you do what you have to do in life to survive, & if it means taking some assistance where offered, then so be it.  hold your head high, & know that there will be a better day.   

to those of you who abuse the system, i beg you to stop & to think of the poor children & elderly doing without, all because you got that last spot on the list...

SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

pictures by harvey finkle @ harveyfinkle.com and carol highsmith