PANIC IS NOT FUNNY

My last entry was actually about Saturday’s happenings.  So I guess I need to try to put in something about my day today.

 

Sunday I awoke from a dream about being claustrophobic and awoke in the midst of a big panic attack.  I couldn’t breathe, and felt like I had a huge too-small rubber band around my forehead.  This is the same thing that happened to me while I lived with the wicked witch in Hampton.  Only that time, being the first time it ever happened, I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance on oxygen and dumped in the waiting area of Henry General Hospital for many hours, while every single person in the emergency room was seen except me.  Once I did get in to see a doctor (I use the term loosely), he more or less talked to me in a condescending way, saying that I was really only there to be medicated and there was really nothing he could do for me.  I later found out I had a severe upper and lower sinus infection which was causing me to have problems with my brain signals, and severe panic attacks ensued. 

 

Having been though this back then, and then once when I first moved into my current apartment, I knew sort of what was going on.  I had a severe sinus infection and for some reason it coincides with my being “overfull” from eating.  Between the 2, I feel like my lungs are being pushed against, and I cannot get enough oxygen into them.  When this feeling was there upon my awakening, I immediately got up, dressed and headed to Ingles grocery store.  I felt better being there in the open space, knowing I could walk out any time I wanted.

 

When I came home, I was ok for some time, and then it struck again after I ate lunch.  I was afraid to eat anything else.  I cannot describe the feeling, but if you have ever had a severe panic attack, you know what I am talking about.

 

Another reason I am having these attacks is that I am out of my Zoloft, which is prescribed to me specifically for my panic attacks.  I get them from the manufacturer and having received them yet, so have been out of them for 4-5 days.

 

I thought I was ok when I awoke this am.  I got in the shower and got ready for work with no problems.  I ate some cantaloupe and yogurt and went off to work.

 

As soon as I started walking to the front I had another panic attack.  I also got the usual tingly feeling all over like I do when I am in for a dose of panic attacks.  I immediately warned all my co-workers that I was having these attacks, so if I suddenly walked out the front door and up the street, don’t follow me, I will probably be back later.  They all kept checking on me all morning, asking if I were ok, and needed to sit down or get something to eat or drink.  I keep a tall glass of ice water on my counter, so I didn’t need a drink.  And I was afraid to eat anything.  But when I took my break, I did go and get me something to eat…….a strawberry toaster strudel (we kept 2 cases there at the store for us to nibble on).

 

I was more or less ok as the morning and early afternoon moved on, but around 2:45 pm, after not having been able to take a lunch break, I started having several heart palpitations.  I knew then I was going to have to go home and lay down.  I need the money too bad to leave work, but I knew I was doomed.  So I went and told them I was going home and they strongly urged me to stay home, rest and don’t worry about coming back.  At 3 pm I was on my way home.

 

I ate a sandwich and drank a little buttermilk, and felt decent for a little while.  Then my heart started fluttering again.  I must have something wrong with my digestive tract as well as my sinuses.  I thought I wouldn’t fall apart till at least 60. 

 

One of my customers today noticed I wasn’t feeling well and asked if she could have prayer with me.  We did and I think that is why I got through most of my day.  I have some really great customers. 

 

I wanted to thank Aaron for leaving me a nice comment on my last entry.  I realize that all journalers often read a journal and don’t comment.  I guess it is nice to hear that sometimes.  Thanks to all who read, whether commenting or not.  I just feel that I whine so much that I am driving off my loyal readers and the few drive-by readers.  I am going to try to do better with my entries.  It is difficult to get my entries in.  A single entry takes about 8 hours total to put into my journal.  It takes me up to an hour or so to get online, then I have to type the entry, then I try to spellcheck and it gets hung up and I have to save the entry to Word and refresh the journal page, copy and paste back into the journal from Word and then add the picture all over again.  9 out of 10 times, the picture won’t upload.  And very often, if I don’t save to Word, I lose everything to aohell or my intermittent wifi and I am ready to scream…………

 

(Stepping back down from the soapbox)

 

I really need to be getting some things moved out of the storage unit and into the apartment, but either I don’t feel well, or it is raining.  I also need to get the sofa I bought out of the entryway at work.  I can’t wait to get it into our bedroom.  I also cannot wait till I get my comfy recliner into the den.  Sigh……….I wish I wish I wish.

 

Well, another entry eaten alive............sigh.  I will not retype the story I just added and didn't save on Word.