RAPE

i wanted to write this entry early this morning (1:25 am) when i first heard the story.  but i had spent alot of time fighting the isp powers that be trying to submit my last entry on the beslan massacre.  i was tired, frustrated, and then after the news i am about to divulge, i was devastated.  so i chose to sit on it for a day or two.  but here i sit, time on my hands and a burden on my heart. so here goes:  

my daughter, who is 18-1/2, called me at 1:06 am.  since she knows i am usually awake, she does this often, so i was not alarmed that she was calling me.  she started off with small talk, like how to de-flea her cat (the woman she lives with--38 yrs old--who was once her legal guardian--another story for another time--had thrown out my daughter's cat while my daughter was not home, all because she found a few fleas).  i could tell that my daughter had something heavier on her heart, but she didn't say.  i let her talk, and made comments, the mother in me wanting so badly to reach in her heart and pull out what was really bothering her.   

after about 20 minutes of "chit chat", she finally let the proverbial cat out of the bag.  her best friend had been raped the night before.  her friend was turning 19, and wanted a birthday party.  a mutual friend of hers and my daughter's offered to throw her one at his house, since his parents were out of town (usually means trouble).  my daughter had to work, and didn't get off work till 11:30 pm, so was late to the party.  

when my daughter arrived at the party, which was in full alcohol swing, the birthday girl was already pretty well out of it.  she wet her pants from being so drunk, and my daughter had to take her to the bathroom, change her, clean her, and dress her in something else.  (let me interject here.....this is not how i raised my daughter, nor the sort of friends i allowed her to have....she was a missionary for four summers straight, then fell in with the wrong crowd, moved out, and it has only gotten worse.)  after awhile, alot of the people, the birthday girl, AND  her boyfriend, who was in attendance, sorta passed out.  or went to sleep.  there were three guys at this party that only one person there knew.  the birthday girl was too zonked i guess to ask them to leave.   

anyway, while the birthday girl and most of the guests were passed out in the livingroom, one of these "guys" proceeds to rape the birthday girl.  right there in the livingroom!!  of course, when she awoke from her drunken stupor hours later, she was naked, and there was evidence of sexual intercourse, and her boyfriend wasn't the culprit.   

ok, being a mother, first thing i did was praise God it wasn't my child..... but, i know both the birthday girl, and her parents, and i know the pain and anguish, as well as desire to kill they must be experiencing.  my daughter took her friend to the emergency room and the mother of the girl came to the hospital, and they spent the day there, the girl undergoing testing, counseling, and investigative questioning.  the police are looking for the guy now.   

one of the hardest things to do when a mother hears this sort of thing is to not say I TOLD YOU SO.  i didn't say that to my daughter.  i did, however, express my view that it is always important to be aware of what is going on around you, and that alcohol, and drugs, can take control of your body away from you.  she said she knew that....but yet, i am sure next week, she and friends will be getting "wasted" again.......it hurts my soul, my heart, my being.  we cannot protect them from everything, especially once they have left your home..........  

this whole thing affected me than just as a mother.......i was raped too, when i was about 25.  i have never completely gotten over it, but i have learned to safely tuck it away......till something like this happens.  then i feel it all over again.  he was a friend of a friend......a nigerian citizen here on an educational visa......and when he did the deed, he was sought out, but had returned to nigeria.......and that was the end of that.......for him.  but i will have those emotional and physical scars forever.  so will this girl, this mere 19 year old baby........it makes me so angry.  she was violated.....  

many would argue, well she asked for it.......doesn't matter......rape is rape, and she didn't ask him to rape her.  she was out cold.  yes, had she been wide awake and sober, maybe it would not have happened.  but still doesn't give him the right to take what he wanted and then leave her to suffer.  

parents, hold tightly to your children........watch them, know where they are, what they are doing........and never stop praying for them.  we cannot save them from themselves once they start this type of destructive behavior, but if we build a good moral foundation, then if they live through these rebellious times, then they will have firm ground to stand on as they become true adults.